


It Started Out With a Kiss

by transparent



Category: Arctic Monkeys
Genre: M/M, also the story will span several eras you've been warned, i have no idea why im doing this, slight au: everything is a little more homoerotic, there are a lot of things i changed in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-05 00:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4159170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transparent/pseuds/transparent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i></i>
  <br/>
  <b> How did it end up like this? </b>
</p>
<p>It starts off with Jamie taking Nick along to see the Killers and it ends up being the catalyst that changes their friendship throughout the years. It's not like falling in love at all, but it's not like Jamie knows anything. Everyone else apparently does.</p>
<p>A lot of other things happen too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Jamie gets the ball rolling, but he's too drunk to remember why

It happened at a Killers concert.

 

Jamie doesn't remember the particulars but he can trace the outlines in his subconscious. They were touring - they had to promote Favorite Worst Nightmare and they've just finished playing a festival set. Alex and Matt called it a night after a few drinks in the tour van, but Jamie felt daring enough to nip back into the festival watch a bit of the Killers before turning in. He's surprised by it, but Nick asks to join, admittedly a bit battered by alcohol.

They've known each other of a fair amount of time. Longer than most people, Jamie presumes. But Nick had always been just his mate, the bloke he'll see around the school or the around corner with a nod and a smile to offer to him. Nick, the temporary bassist who had made himself a permanent fixture on their personnel and was determined to remain there. To Jamie, Nick will always be his dear old friend.

So why was Jamie kissing him?

It was right in the middle of the Killers concert, and Jamie Cook had kissed his best friend, Nick O'Malley, his actions registering a little too late. He doesn't remember what caused him to initiate the act, but something tells him that Nick had just said the right words or the lights had hit him from all the right angles. Thankfully, the crowd had been too focused on the performance to pay their illicit tryst much attention, but that doesn't stop Jamie from feeling like an utter dolt. The sound of laughter catches him off guard, and he turns to see Nick completely unfazed by the breach of their friendship. If he was bothered, he didn't show it. Instead, Nick had moved on and continued singing along to 'On Top', obviously drunk.

He's confused, but Jamie  _tries_  to remain unaffected. The Killers was a band that Jamie respected, and he would not allow the experience to be sullied by all the thoughts that began to fester in his mind. Fortunately for him, it's not too hard to get back into the performance. But a few songs later, Jamie realizes that he had been stealing glances at the man next to him for quite some time. He curses whatever Alex had put in his drinks. He curses at the evening for making him act on impulse. He curses Nick for being too charming.

And there it is. Those kind of ambiguous thoughts about his best friend makes Jamie question himself. He tells himself it was just the momentum, and that second he wakes up the next day he would have just scoffed it off because he definitely does not have feelings for one of his closest friends. You don't turn gay overnight right? Besides,  Jamie doesn't even count his kiss with Nick as a kiss- it was more like a passing graze.

Jamie's thoughts calm down as silence settles before the next song starts. It's a slow one, and he recognizes it immediately.

_"You're too good to be true,_  
_Can't take my eyes off of you."_

There were men and women in the crowd who were swooning for Brandon Flowers, but Jamie, who was more than slightly disoriented at this point, almost swears out loud. From the corner of his eye, he sees Nick staring at him. Nick turns away, but Jamie could still make out a bit of red in his face. Jamie knows him well enough to know when there's something on his mind, yet he's not all too sure about what the atmosphere had been setting them up for.

_"You'd be like heaven to touch,_  
_I wanna hold you so much."_

"J-jamie... I-I'm..." Nick stutters out. Jamie feels a shift in his chest that he can't place. 

_'Fuck, did I lead him on?'_ Jamie began to jump conclusions, his rational thinking muddled by fatigue and margaritas.

Suddenly, Nick lurches forward, his hand firmly on his mouth as he suppresses his gags. Out of reflex, Jamie catches him and holds him at an arm's length, a bit horrified. The people around them are giving them looks, as if they were telling them to leave quickly before things got ugly.

"...I'm about to hur-" Nick almost vomits again, but he holds it back with his hand. If Jamie wasn't panicking before, he definitely was now. 

"Oh shit," he mouths, holding the nauseated man closer to him as he tries to move past the crowd. "Keep it down a bit longer."

Jamie's hand automatically strokes Nick's hair to soothe him, but he sees Nick's face turning even more red and assumes that he was just aggravating him further. He's thankful that the audience were mostly sympathetic to them. The Killers had played halfway through Shadowplay when they've managed to reach the festival's exit without incident. Jamie sighs in relief and directs Nick to the nearest trashcan.

"Jamie..." Nick tries to speak again right after he had done his business. "Thanks."

"Ehh, s' no problem," Jamie hands him a bottle of water. "You had a little too much to drink, we've all been there. I suppose that's also why you tagged along."

"What? I only listen to the Killers intoxicated?" Nick asks before gargling and flushing the water out of his mouth. 

"No I mean-" Jamie searches for a reason. "I mean I really didn't think you'd want to be alone with me." 

He realizes that he's worded his sentence a bit too suggestively. His memories flash before his eyes again and he sees Nick's eyebrow raise to question him.

"That is... I wasn't trying to say that you came because you wanted to be alone with me... I meant that you... and I... you know what I mean," he stammers and throws his hands in the air. Nick laughs and steps closer to him, the moonlight giving him a sort of glow that Jamie regrets noticing.

"I know what you're saying," Nick says, voice low and satisfied. "But yeah, I guess I did go with you because I felt like spending time with you." 

Jamie feels like he's burning up and those awkward thoughts about Nick make an appearance again, making his heart speed up like a hurricane. There are a million questions whizzing in his head and over half of them are Jamie's to answer. Before he could speak, he pauses in realization that Nick had just vomited on him.

It was a really long night.

 


	2. In which Jamie tries to sort things out but doesn't

 

When he wakes up, Jamie's head is still spinning and his body feels haggard and heavy - not the best start to his morning. Before he could ponder on it further, he smells himself and decides to do himself good and take a quick shower. It's in the bathroom that he notices that there's something amiss, but he brushes it off and sleepily washes himself for a quiet minute.

"Hey Cookie, is that..." 

He goes down to get breakfast in the hotel's buffet when Matt sees him. It wasn't long until Matt's astute observational skills point out something odd.

"It is isn't it? That's Mal's jumper."

"Really?" Jamie asks as he looks down to see what he's wearing. He remembers why the deep burgundy of the jumper looked so foreign yet so familiar. In fact, Jamie remembers everything. Every single thing.

"You were pretty smashed last night," Matt reminds him. "I would understand if you took that chance to get frisky."

Jamie nudges him a bit, hoping that his expression was more of 'stop-it-you-rascal' and less of 'you-were-right-i-have-sinned'. Matt's teasing chuckle tells him that he was in the clear, and Jamie follows him to their table after he picks up a few breakfast items. He hesitates a little when he sees Nick at the table, engaged in a hushed conversation with Alex. But when Nick sees them and waves them over, Jamie sighs out in relief, hoping that he had forgotten what Jamie can't seem to forget. He takes a seat in front of them and begins to eat. 

"Oi Jamie you should really try these muffins. You could just take some off my plate, I've got too much," Nick tells him, practically slinging the mentioned muffins over to him. There was no tension between the two of them, and Jamie is relieved beyond words.

"So you're finally awake. I'd almost thought you'd gone into a coma for a moment there Cookie," Alex jokes. "Mind regaling the rest of us with your late night tales?"

"A bit of a romp here and there I suppose? Judging from your face I'd say both of you stumbled on an orgy," Matt says matter-of-factly, making Alex snigger in response. 

"Get over yourselves you slags," Jamie kicks them under the table. Nick smiles along, but Jamie notices something uneasy beneath it.

_'Does he remember? Is he secretly disgusted with me?'_ Jamie thinks to himself, unwittingly staring at the man across him. 

"Alright, I'm finished so I'll head on up now," Nick excuses himself quickly. The other two just shrug and continue eating.

_'Oh my god he remembers it,'_   Jamie groans internally.  _'To be fair I did invade his private space, and I'm sure that counts as some sort of harassment. Oh god I'm not prepared for a lawsuit.'_

"Jamie? Are you alright?" Alex snaps his fingers in front of Jamie, bringing him out of his stupor. "You're eating the muffin wrapper."

"Oh I just... something with my hangover," he tries to play it off. He can tell that he barely convinces any of them. "It's happens more often than you think."

What else was he going to say? ' _I may have made a move on our hetrosexual bassist by mistake? Watch out or I'll make a move on you too?'_   Jamie contemplates about asking them for advice, but he felt it was like being a sinner at church. He's not quite sure of what they might think of him, yet he's almost certain he was going to be lynched.

"Okaay," Matt draws out the word slowly. "Anyway, you never answered us Jamie. What happened at the Killers' gig?"

Jamie swallows.

"Ehh nothing too interesting. We arrived a little before the band came on, but we still managed to squeeze ourselves a bit further up front. Not barrier close but it wasn't all that bad," Jamie takes his time remembering and constructing the parts that he thinks is appropriate. "They played a few of my favorites and a few that Nick knows. Great concert in my opinion."

"Did you meet them?" Alex asks, chewing on a toast.

"Hmm, we thought about staying back and waiting for them, but I reckon that it would take us until 3 am or summat."

"Interesting," Matt comments. Jamie isn't hungry enough for seconds, so he follows Nick's lead and leaves the interrogation table as swiftly as he can. 

"Sorry lads, but I've got this throbbing headache," Jamie says as he gets up. He gets mixed looks from the remaining two, but they just watch him walk away.

"Odd," Alex muses. "Usually they're the ones staying back during a buffet."

"Bad night I reckon," Matt assumes, feeling a bit grateful that he hadn't taken up on Jamie's offer.

Jamie finds it a little too convenient that he catches Nick outside of his hotel room, ruling it out as a coincidence. He takes a deep breath and walks over to Nick, who looks a bit surprised at Jamie's sudden appearance. Before he could successfully run away, Jamie grabs Nick by the arm and forces him to face him. His blushing face is something Jamie has been seeing a lot more lately, but he isn't daunted by how awkward the situation is anymore. He just wanted to make something clear - Jamie was not seeing Nick as anything more than a friend.

"Jamie please I'm still nursing a hangover," Nick struggles to loosen his grip.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" 

Jamie has no idea how to explain himself further, but he was going to try.

"For the thing. Yesterday. The weird thing," Jamie says, slowly losing control of his words. Nick blushes even more.

"That was my fault. I threw up on you for God's sake," Nick looks away in shame. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I can't look you in the eye anymore after I'd just... defiled you."

"No I meant -" Jamie pauses. "You defiled me? I'm sure it's the other way around."

"Well, you didn't vomit on me did you?"

"True but... How much of last night do you remember?" Jamie asks, a bit suspicious.

"Vomiting," came the straight answer. "Nothing much really, just vomiting."

"Oh," Jamie can breathe again. "So you don't remember anything else? You were acting strange just because of that and not any other incident?" 

"Pretty much. Wait, what are you trying to say?" Nick questions him. "What else happened last night?"

"Eh, nothing," Jamie thinks fast. "I just accidentally pushed you into a mosh pit." 

"Really?" Nick raises his eyebrow.

"Yeah, and, uh, 5 people almost started a fight with us. Three of them were these biker types and two of them were really pissed off but we sorted it out peacefully." 

He's well aware that he's running his mouth, but Jamie can't even admit to himself that he kissed Nick, so he definitely won't be able to be upfront about it to the man himself. Even when he'd resolved to clear the air. Something in him really doesn't want Nick to reject him or think of him differently, which is only natural considering a lot of things hinged on their friendship. Jamie can't afford making things more complicated than it should.

"Hmm," Nick is lost deep in thought, trying to recall the memory. "I guess that sounds about right. I mean you probably should remember more than I do." 

Jamie silently thanks the invention of tequila.

"Of course. But I do want you to know that I am incredibly sorry regardless," Jamie lets him go and takes the chance to apologize. "I would never want to hurt you or confuse you." 

"Its fine," Nick says. "I'm sorry too. I ruined your shirt "

"Drop it Mal," Jamie looks at him in the eye. "It's just a shirt. You seriously don't think that I value some clothing over our friendship, do you?"

"Hopefully not," Nick laughs. "Glad we sorted this out then, although I suppose I should get ready to get back on the road in an hour or two. I've got a few things to pack up." 

"Eh alright then. See you later."   

Jamie waves as Nick makes his way to his hotel room and it's only when Nick gets inside that Jamie notices the neatly folded shirt sitting in front of his door. He realizes that even in his half-drunk, half-sober consciousness, Nick had managed to bring Jamie's shirt back, wash it, and iron it the next morning. It's a sweet gesture, but now Jamie's feeling guilty that not only had he lied to him, but he had also made Nick wash his dirty laundry. 

_'Speaking of which,'_  Jamie enters his room and looks at what he's wearing again.  _'I should return this.'_

It's a little weird to admit, but the jumper is almost too comfortable to return. 

_'I can't give it back now. At least not until I've given it a proper wash.'_  

He remembers why Nick had lent him his jumper. It was so that Jamie didn't have to journey back to the hotel in stained clothing, making Jamie a bit thankful that Nick liked to wear multiple layers. He hadn't even noticed that Nick had even brought his shirt back with him.  
  
Something about Nick's thoughtfulness summons that thumping in Jamie's heart again. He mistakes it for guilt. 

\-- 

They're on the road again, and it would be a while before they stop at another hotel. They've got about two weeks in the tour van, but they're refreshed enough to remain lively for a few days at least. Currently, Jamie had found himself in a dilemma. He'd started a +4 chain in uno, and from the looks of things, he might end up with 12 extra cards on his hand. 

"I can't believe this," Matt almost slams his cards on the table. Luckily for Jamie, Matt had taken the brunt of the chain. "I swear, who lost the poker cards?"

"Take it like a man, Matthew," Alex says as he takes out 12 cards from the deck and slides them over to the fuming man on Jamie's right. "This poor old uno set has been sitting untouched for such a long time."

Matt makes a face and adds the cards to his own hand. He looks at his cards for some time before deciding his move and letting Jamie take his turn. As if he had been waiting all along, Jamie places a skip, and Alex shoots him a half hearted glare. It's Nick's turn, and his playful grin takes Jamie aback.  _'He's planning something, that coy fucker,'_ Jamie analyzes. His guess is correct and Nick skips Matt's turn, making the drummer groan loudly. Jamie and Nick exchange smiles and hi-fives across the table.

"Stop flirting and play, Cookie," Alex quips. Jamie just grumbles at his comment and continues, wishing that he had a skip card this round. Alex places his move quickly, a little too caught up in the game.

"Mal! Stop skipping me!" Matt almost roars as Nick's laughter fills the van.   

"I've got nothing against you," Nick says. "It's just how the game rolls."

"Yeah, Matt," Jamie joins in. "He's just got the right cards and you don't, it's as simple as that."

"Easy for you to say. You've got him on your side," Matt accuses.

"Oh Mr. Helders, I didn't know you were jealous of what Mr. Cook and I have," Nick bats his eyes jokingly. "Why, you know I'd do anything to make him happy."

A few days prior, Jamie would have just laughed at what Nick said and played along. But now he was nervously laughing and choking.  _'Get a hold of yourself, dammit.'_ Jamie refuses to add to the fire, opting to just play silently and get the game over with.

"Uno." 

Jamie blinks a couple of times. He looks up and sees a sly look on Nick's face. Then he looks down and sees his lone card. Uno.

"Fucking hell."

Alex and Matt are in hysterics as they watch Jamie takes another set of cards from the deck in disbelief. Jamie feigns offense to Nick, who was just smiling innocently at him. He's well aware of the blood rushing to his cheeks, but he wasn't sure what was the cause.

It's not a surprise that Alex ends up winning, taking his victory in stride. By then it was too late to start another game, so they start retiring for the night one by one.  
  
Jamie is one of the first to settle in bed, but he can't seem to fall asleep. He stares off as the rest of the band drift off slowly, a bit jealous that he can't do the same. He blames his restlessness on the past two days.

"Can't sleep Jamie?"

Jamie turns to the bunk bed above him, seeing Nick peek out from his bed. It's dark and silent and there's a stillness in the air that's calming - a tad too intimate of a setting for Jamie's comfort. The other two were fast asleep, so that meant that they were alone again. He's sure that they've been alone multiple times before, but Jamie has been noticing it more recently.  

"How'd you know?" Jamie whispers.

"I can feel you twisting and turning from up here," came the hushed reply. "So what's bothering you mate? Want me to give you a good night's kiss?"

"Yeah sure. Come on down and give me a peck, love," Jamie says. He's grateful for the curtain of darkness for hiding his flustered face and giving him the confidence to reply without stuttering. 

"Alright," Nick whispers back. Jamie could feel Nick making his way down the ladder.

"I was joking you idiot!" Jamie tried to be as loud as he could. "W-what are you doing?"

"Relax, I'm not gonna give in to your seductive wiles," Nick says. "Scoot over will you?"

"We won't fit and I'll be crushed to death," Jamie says, but he moves over anyway. Nick squeezes into the single bed, and Jamie finds himself a bit too close to him. 

"See? It's alright."

"Oh god, get out," Jamie's voice was barely audible. "This is a little weird." 

"Well, I thought that you needed some extra warmth," Nick says. "Like when we slept over at Greg's place and you couldn't sleep because it was too cold. Either that or there's something bothering you. And no, I'm not leaving until you go to sleep because your tossing about is keeping me up."

"God, it's pretty hot in here as it is," Jamie replies, fidgeting a bit. "I- I guess it's because there's something on my mind."

He's close enough to look into Nick's eyes and see the concern glazing them.  _'Is he really the right person to ask for advice?'_  Jamie consults himself.  _'Am I really going to ask for advice to the person I need advice for?'_

"Jamie?" Nick breaks the silence. Jamie makes a hasty decision.  _'Oh fuck it.'_

"Eh, do you know this friend of mine?" Jamie asks, thinking of a plausible hypothetical alibi. "Heather. Do you know her?"

"Um, no I don't think I do," Nick says. 

_'Of course you don't. I just made her up right now.'_

"Really? You've got to meet her some day," Jamie lies through his teeth. "Anyway, she's got a bit of a problem with this bloke. Uh, Henry, I think."

"What's the problem?"

"She kissed him for no reason. I mean I don't know, she's never thought about him beyond a platonic relationship," Jamie continues to lie. "You see, Heather and this Henry have been friends for an long time. Kind of like us but not at all like us. And now she's getting weird thoughts about him like 'oh my god he smells really nice' and it's completely throwing me- I mean, her off." 

"So? Why can't she give him a go then?" Nick asks.

"Aha, that's the real problem. Heather is sure that Henry is not attracted to her. They're both... homosexual."

"What?"

"See, I told you it's complicated. Don't blame me if you can't fall asleep because of it."

"I think Heather's just a bit confused," Nick thinks aloud. "She's kissed her friend and it's muddling her up because she's thinking 'oh Henry always so nice to me isn't that a confirmation of some sort'. But she's also scared because if she's wrong it all goes tits up. Wait, how long has this been going on?"

"Like... a day," Jamie responds.

"She needs time then. Maybe she's just thinking about them as a couple so much that she's begun to mix it up with her feelings. You know, because of the kiss thing."

"That makes sense," Jamie contemplates. "That clears up a lot actually. I can't believe you've actually helped."

"I'm a little offended but I'm glad to be of some assistance," Nick says as he gets off the bed. "Think you can sleep now?"

"Yeah thanks," Jamie says. "Good night Nick."

"G'night," Nick whispers as he climbs up his bunk.

Jamie's thoughts make much more sense to him. It makes much more sense that he's not developing some crush and that he's just having some internal conflict. He's sure that if he gives it a few days it will manage to fade away because it's not real. It calms him down enough to lull him back to sleep.

Yeah. There was no way he was about to fall in love.

_________

 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write a realistic morning after but I will do everything in my power to write a realistic uno scene


	3. In which Jamie's band members are more perceptive than he thought

  
Jamie's not a bitter person. He's outspoken, yes, but that's because he has a lot of opinions to voice out. Yet, he is never bitter about small things because he likes to believe that he's better than that.

He's not staring at Nick because he's bitter at all. Nick was just in the general direction Jamie decide to brood about.

The band's having their after party of sorts in a pub. A change of pace, Matt says. Ten minutes later and Jamie's sitting alone on the bar, glaring silent daggers at the giggling girl Nick had managed to pull. He's not jealous of the way Nick's arm is curled up around her waist or the way she makes Nick laugh that disarming laugh. Jamie had already heard the all pick up lines Nick spouts when he's trying to have a chat with a girl, so he's tempted to tell that girl that she wasn't anything special.  
  
It frustrates him. After that talk with Nick, Jamie had been treading carefully, ignoring his bizarre emotions. Yet it did nothing. In fact a few days later he finds that he'd plunged even deeper into the pit, triggered by an envy of a certain blonde that had caught his bassist's attention. Great, now he was referring to Nick as his bassist. Jamie hadn't even ordered a second beer yet.

Matt and Alex have got a group around them, watching them play darts. The room erupts in cheers whenever they hit anything on the board, clinking their glasses at every given opportunity. Amidst the crowd, Alex's attention shifts over to the bar, where he sees a man with a drained glass in his hand looking rather spiteful. Alex observes Jamie's frustration as he finishes off his beer and hands his darts over to Matt, who takes up his mantle without question. 

"Well hello there," Alex greets as he walks over to Jamie. "You've chased away every girl that's approached you since we've entered. What's the matter?"

"Ehh, I just want some time to myself," Jamie says. Alex follows his gaze and gives him a puzzled smile.

"Time to yourself or time in his arms?" Alex gestures over to Nick. Jamie laughs so hard that he gets the attention of Matt's entourage.

"You're ridiculous, you know that?" Jamie says.   
  
"Not as ridiculous as you, I'm afraid," Alex signals the bartender. "I'm not trying to push your buttons because it seems to me that you're doing that yourself. You're an open book, Cookie."  
  
"Al, I like women," Jamie points out as Alex orders another round of beers.

"That's great, a lot of people do," Alex says. He laughs a strained laugh. "At least they say they do. If you really want to prove it, talk up a girl. You've got a plethora to choose from right here."  
  
Jamie takes a moment to answer. "Alright then, maybe I will."  
  
There's a mischievous glint in his eye that Jamie doesn't trust. He's definitely wary of the traps Alex sets, yet Jamie's need to prove himself is stronger than his own precautions - even when he's sober. Jamie accepts the mug of beer Alex offers him and stalks off to find a nice girl he could have a chat with. Alex watches him, a bit amused that he had jumped at his teasing a little too eagerly but a bit perturbed at how tense he had been.  
  
Easily enough, he spots a dark haired girl with a bored expression on her face, looking as lonely as he did. As daring as he was, Jamie did not actually intend to get anywhere with her, but he figures that she'd make better conversation than a cocky Alex. 

"Mind if I sit here?" He asks as slides onto the seat in front of her. The girl doesn't seem to be too bothered by his presence, so he takes that as a sign.  
  
"Not at all," she gives him her permission. "It's Heather by the way, if you were wondering."  
  
"Heather?" Jamie cracks a smile. "Would it be weird if I told you we're supposed to be good friends?"  
  
"It's a terrible start but I suppose it's not the weirdest line used on me," Heather says, smiling back. "Am I suppose to guess your name now? Because you look like a Robert."

"Ehh, not really. I'm Jamie," he answers. They're both awkward, but they're not refusing each other's company. It's a little obvious that both of them are not looking to flirt; just someone to talk to.  
  
"So Jamie, what brings you here? I definitely would have known if you'd been around."  
  
"I've got some work to do in these parts, nothing special," Jamie skirts around the question a little.  
  
"You some sort of business man then? You look pretty young to even be employed," Heather points out bluntly. 

"You'd be surprised," Jamie takes a swig of his drink, unsure whether he doesn't know what to say next or he just doesn't care enough to be suave.   
  
A loud thud takes them by surprise, and Jamie turns to see a man fuming at them. There's a slight wobble to him that tells Jamie that he was inebriated - never good news. Heather's face immediately sours upon seeing him.   
  
"Heather, what's the meaning of all of this? I go to piss for a second and you're with some weedy looking bloke?" He shouts above the din of the pub. 

"Fuck off Michael, you prick. I'm not your property. I told you that we're over," Heather tells him. Jamie fills in the blanks rather quickly.

Almost the whole pub's listening to them now, and Jamie is starting to feel uncomfortable with the attention. Alex stands up, surprised at how quickly things had escalated. Matt pauses his game of darts and watches the commotion. Nick takes his eyes off the blonde he's talking to. Everyone was watching the scene unfold. Jamie regrets a lot of things, but when the man had taken a threatening step towards the frightened Heather, he doesn't hesitate to place himself between the two. Unsurprisingly, the man does not take any of it lightly.

"Move aside. This cunt needs to know her place," he practically spat in Jamie's face.

"The only cunt that needs to know their place is you," Jamie snaps back. Everyone held in their breath as they watched the man turn purple. Jamie wasn't sure if that was the best thing to say, but someone had to tell him.

"Oh? I suppose you want a bit of this then?" the man shouts, menacingly brandishing his fists.  
  
Suddenly he swings at Jamie. Jamie steps back and flinches, waiting for the hit that doesn't come. Instead, it lands on Nick, who had pushed Jamie behind him at the last second. Another collective gasp fills the room. Alex and Matt share an unsure look, thinking of a way to stop their two friends from starting a bar brawl. Despite the fact that Nick was definitely pissed, he still held Jamie back gently. As if Jamie wasn't already feeling like he'd messed up.

"Would you piss off you twat?" Nick says, glaring at the offender. 

"You go ask your boyfriend to go piss off," the man sneers.

"He's not the one harassing women in public," Nick retaliated.

"Me? Please," the man huffs, not letting Jamie out of his sights. "He was basically undressing her with his eyes. This piece of shit was making a move on my lady, like the horn-dog he is."

That was the last thing he said before Nick had punched him, starting the fight that had been inevitable from the beginning. The entire pub had begun to cheer and shout obscenities as they stumbled and flung at each other. It was only when Alex saw the bartender dial for help that he decides that they should to get out of there while they still can. He grabs Matt, who's too shocked to move, and drags him over to Jamie.

"We've got to leave now," Alex says. "They've contacted the authorities."

"What about Nick?" Jamie asks. "How will we get him off that guy?"

"I'll help," Heather pipes up as she places a hand on Jamie's shoulder. "Sorry I've gotten you all into this."

"We've got to do it fast," Matt shouts over the increasing noise. "Nick's getting pummeled pretty bad right now."

As he finishes his sentence, the sound of glass shattering brings their attention back to the pair. It takes three minutes for the four of them to tear the grappling men away from each other, getting hit while they're at it. Limbs flail about everywhere and it almost feels like a riot. A few pieces of furniture had been smashed and a few other fights had broken out, but they're thankful that they manage to barely make it out before the police arrive. Jamie has a strong hold on Nick's hand, but he reasons that it's only to prevent him from going back to finish what he started and nothing more.  
  
The group, including Heather, run a few blocks away to the tour van, hiding from the trouble they've caused. Everything is silent as they catch their breath. Then Matt starts laughing.

"That was fun," he says as his laughter dies down. Everyone is staring at him incredulously, but they understand where he's coming from. 

"Fun isn't the right word," Alex says a bit breathlessly. "But I suppose we could take it."

"I suppose this is my cue to leave then. Thanks for getting me through the night, Jamie," Heather says as she takes a few steps away from them. "And Nick was it? You've got a pretty cool boyfriend, you know that?." 

"Thanks," Nick responds before Jamie could get flustered. "I know."  
  
"Nice girl. Too bad she gets involved with the wrong men," Alex comments as Heather walks over to her car. Jamie shoots him a look.

They wave her goodbye as they stand outside and take in the night. The contrast between the pub and the parking lot was becoming more and more apparent the longer they loiter. Eventually, they make their way into the van, where they realize just how battered and tired they were.  
  
"I've got some Guinness on my hair," Jamie says, trying to wash it off in the kitchenette sink. "And Matt looks like a doormat with all those footprints on him."

"It's from that guy, kicking the air and all," Matt claims. "Kicking me while he's at it."

"At least you didn't get clawed by Nick," Alex adds in, showing them the three scratches on his neck.

"Sorry about that," Nick sheepishly replies.

"You look like shit though," Matt winces as he looks at Nick.

"Are you sure you're not just looking at his face?" Jamie quips, turning the tap off. 

"Ha ha, very funny," Nick says sardonically. "I'm not gonna help you blow dry your hair this time."

"But Matt's right, Mal. You need to patch yourself up," Alex says.

Jamie takes a proper look at Nick, whose bruises were beginning to form. Suddenly, a wave of guilt washes over him, blaming himself for jumping head first into a fight. All of them had injuries, but it was Nick who had it the worst. His lip was split and his cheek was starting to swell. From the way his movements is staggered, Jamie assumes it hurt more than he let on. Even so, it doesn't deter Nick's cheery disposition one bit.

"Where's the first aid kit?" Nick asks, feeling his bruises.

"It should be around here somewhere," Matt searches the drawers and eventually takes out a white box. "Found it."

"Thanks," Nick says as he hands him the kit. "Do you guys need something from here?"

"Just a plaster I suppose," Alex takes what he needs. "I'm not too hurt."

"I'm gonna start getting ready for bed," Matt says as he makes his way to the bathroom. "We've still got a show tomorrow."

"Right, I'll go after Matt's finished," Jamie says. 

"I'll go after you then," Alex announces. "Matt's gonna take a long time though, so I'll just make a quick call."

"Be careful," Jamie calls out as Alex walks out of the van. 

A small yelp of pain directs Jamie's attention over to Nick, who was having a bit of difficulty applying medicine on the wounds on his face. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, Jamie found himself instinctively taking over the first aid kit. 

"Um, may I?" Jamie asks. "I mean it's my fault and all that you got into that."

"I don't mind at all," Nick says, a bit startled. "I don't think it's your fault though. Let's face it, I was the one who couldn't mind their business." 

"Look, do you really want to start up an argument with someone who's holding antiseptic up to your face?" Jamie says. Nick just shakes his head and closes his eyes.

"But it was still my fault, alright?" Nick gets the final word in before Jamie continues nursing him. Jamie rolls his eyes. 

Nick closes his eyes as Jamie treats him, and the guitarist slowly heats up from embarrassment. He realizes that he's basically caressing Nick's face. His closed eyes don't help either because it looks like he's waiting for a kiss, and Jamie has already had a bad experience with that. Nick flinches in surprise from time to time, but Jamie's touch is soft and careful. Other than the pounding in Jamie's heart, there's surprisingly no awkwardness between the two.

There's no protests from Nick at all. Feeling a little brave, Jamie gently brushes his thumb over his split lip. Despite himself, he's very tempted to do something he might regret. It's not like he wants to, but Jamie realizes he could lean in anytime, closing the distance between them easily. His blush darkens. No, he's not going to succumb to something like that easily, he had to get a grip on himself. Yet even with that resolution, Jamie still found himself inching closer and closer, falling pray to the momentum of the atmosphere.

The sound of the van's door opening freezes Jamie in his spot. Sure enough, Alex catches Jamie mere centimetres away from Nick, and Alex's gaping jaw give away his disbelief. Jamie straightens himself out quickly before Nick opens his eyes. Not sure what else to do, Alex just clears his throat. Jamie is sweating bullets, trying to understand what came over him. Again. He pleads with his eyes, hoping Alex would understand him. It was like a Mexican standoff with varying degrees of confused looks.

"Al I-"

"Bathroom's free," Matt, Jamie's deus ex machina, announces as he walks out. Jamie just takes the chance to escape by rushing into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. Matt looks over to Alex and Nick. "Did he eat any of that bad curry I told him not to eat?"

Jamie groans as he sits on the closed toilet. Just his luck. He has no idea what explanation he could offer to Alex, seeing how the last time he tried to refute his feelings had ended up with a few scrapes and injuries. That had been ten minutes ago. Alex definitely would make the connection quickly enough. He knew that neither of them were bigots, but he still feared that Alex wouldn't exactly welcome him with open arms. Jamie sits on the toilet and contemplates ways to rectify the situation, but he is distracted by his own turbulent heart.

He tries to scoff it off, but he's not an idiot. Once is an accident and twice is a sign that Jamie was definitely not thinking straight. Just because the two of them were alone doesn't mean the natural thing to do would be to kiss him, so why does he keep gravitating towards Nick? Without consent even. At least the last time he had alcohol as an excuse; now Jamie just found himself being creepy. He shakes his head, holding on to that belief that it was just the heat of the moment.

_'Idiot, idiot, idiot,'_ Jamie beats himself up as he brushes his teeth. _'How am I ever going to get out of this?'_

Unfortunately for him, there was no way he could stay in the bathroom forever, which means he would eventually face them again. Like any mature adult, Jamie finally gathers enough courage to join his problems in the van's main room, where an unsettling feeling creeps over him as he sees Nick and Matt's shocked expressions. Alex turns to him, the same glint in his eyes from before.

_'Fuck. I left him with the chance to tattle on me.'_

There was a chance that their disbelief was not directed at him, but Jamie still tries to find a few alibis. Matt was the first to bring attention to Jamie's sudden presence.  

"Hey Jamie," he says while motioning him to come closer. "Al just told us some news."

"O-oh really? What happened?" Jamie says as he glances over to Nick, checking for any weird vibes.

"Miles got a new bird," Alex tells him. "And real pretty one apparently. Just got off the call with him and he sounds like he's on top of the world."

Jamie is at a loss for words at both the news and Alex's intuition for secrets, and he hopes his confusion doesn't give anything away. Alex just nods and gives him a knowing expression. Somehow, Jamie knows that he was itching for some answers. What he doesn't know is that Jamie has no idea either. 

"I know right? That's some really sudden development," Nick says in regards to Jamie's speechlessness.

"Had no idea Miles was out and about," Jamie adds once he gets a hold of himself. "He seemed pretty busy in the studio so I thought he'd be holed up in there for months."

"Miles?" Alex scoffs. "A hard worker that one, but it's hard to keep him away from the party, let alone the girls."

All of them silently agreed that it wasn't completely unnatural behavior for their friend, but there was something about Alex's delivery that rubbed Jamie the wrong way. Then again, Jamie's instincts was leading him down all the wrong alleys lately. Matt yawns cuts through their thoughts as he stands up, serving as a reminder that it was getting late.

"It's been an interesting day, but I hear the bed calling my name," Matt says, walking towards the van's bedroom. "See you tomorrow."

"He's got a good idea. My joints are starting to feel sore," Nick says.

"You can use the bathroom before me," Alex offers. "I'm not that tired yet."

"Oh thanks Al," Nick stands up and hesitates. "Are you sure?"

"Just go already," Alex motions him to hurry up. Jamie could tell that he was just trying to get Nick out of the picture.

Alex waits until they hear the bathroom door lock to ask Jamie his burning questions. Jamie wonders how much longer was the night going to be. Judging from that truth seeking look Alex had given him, he wouldn't be going to sleep anytime soon.

"So I was right wasn't I?" Alex asks off the bat. "And what was all that anyway, kissing him? He doesn't seem to have any clue about it, by the way."

"Would you believe me if I said I was just taking a closer look at Nick's injuries?" Jamie is careful to not be too loud. "Because that was all I was doing."

"And shutting yourself off in the bathroom?"

"Needed to piss pretty bad."

Even without Alex's skeptical stare, Jamie is well aware that he was not fooling anyone. His sigh resounds like a white flag in his ears. Jamie waits for Alex to berate him, to look down on him with disgust, but Alex just grabs Jamie's hands reassuringly. If Alex was that type of person, he looked like he would have squealed. Instead, he just pats Jamie on the back and gives him a supporting smile, confusing the guitarist.

"Got a crush on ol' Mal, don't you?" Alex can't help but grin as he teases Jamie. "Don't worry, I'll support you all the way. It'll make it easier you see, I could be the best man for both of you."

"God Al, shut up," Jamie breaks out of his hold and buries his head in his hands. 

"Does he know?" Alex continues to press him. His excitement was throwing Jamie off. "Because you were really close to him just then."

"No he doesn't know," Jamie says, his voice muffled by his hands. "It's not like that at all. I reckon that I'm just having one of those weeks."

"What do you mean?"

"Eh, it's obviously nothing serious. I mean it's too sudden isn't it?"

"I'm afraid I'm not following you at all," Alex's enthusiasm sobers up. "If I'm not mistaken, these things don't come with a warning."

"No I mean- I... aren't I overreacting?" Jamie asks. "Why am I asking that? Of course I'm overreacting, there's no doubt about it. It just seems like I fancy him when I'm just jumping the gun. I mean really? Years of being around him and now suddenly I'm seeing him as 'man'? I reckon it's just some tour frustrations and I need to get laid or summat."

"My god," Alex exclaims. "You've got it bad."

"What the hell makes you think that?" Jamie feels like Alex was just mocking him.

"A lot of people go through that huge denial phase," Alex's eyes adopt a more serious look. "Where you pretend that it's not a big thing and you aren't really bothered. But it never works. You just get more bothered. Well, in this case you're getting hot and bothered over Nick but I hope you're getting what I'm saying. You've got it bad, James."

Jamie tries to defend himself, but he clams up when he hears Nick emerge from the bathroom. 

"It's your turn Al," Nick says, walking up to the duo. "You coming to bed, Jamie?"

"Uh..."

"We're just discussing this guitar bit that we want to try on the next show," Alex makes up an excuse. "Mixing it up a bit, you know?"

"But we'll be done soon," Jamie quickly adds. Despite Alex's insistence, he really wanted to drop the matter and continue the process of erasing the evening from his thoughts. Nick looks like he was about to argue, but he nods understandingly. 

"Don't stay up too long then," he says before turning in.

Jamie waits until the coast is clear to let out the breath he's been holding in. Alex leans back into his chair softly laughing. Like most things recently, this alarms Jamie.

"He's got a soft spot for you," Alex points out. "I won't be surprised if he's warming up your bed."

"Oh don't go putting ideas in my head," Jamie waves away the notion blushing. "Nick's got a soft spot for everyone. He's... naturally soft."

"Whatever you say," Alex sighs and leans in. "But listen Jamie, it won't do you any good if you deny what you feel. You could go ahead and wait for it to fade or whatever, but don't try to pretend it doesn't mean anything. Remember, acceptance is key with these things. Don't wait to realize it's real until he's gone."

Alex voices out exactly what Jamie feared he might say. While he's glad Alex hadn't turned his nose up at him, he wishes he wouldn't try and convince him to accept that he has feelings for Nick ( _'Because I don't,'_  Jamie interrupts his own thoughts). Jamie has never felt this way about another man, so even when Alex hits him with a real talk Jamie finds it absolutely ridiculous that he would ever switch to the other team so spontaneously. After twenty odd years of believing he was a hetrosexual, Jamie figures that finding out he was gay all along would be pretty hard to swallow.

"I won't share this with the others," Alex tells Jamie while he contemplates. "But you do know that Nick will always be there for you, right?"

"Of course. He'll always be my friend," Jamie shakes his head as gets up. "Nothing more, nothing less. And I'm much happier that way, thank you very much. Good night Alex."

"Jamie wait," Alex stops him in his tracks. "... Nevermind."

Jamie is curious; he really is. He's sure that if he pestered him further he would have gotten the truth out of Alex pretty easily. Hell, Alex looked like he would have cracked if Jamie would have just stayed longer. Unfortunately for both of them, Jamie just wanted nothing more but to sleep the evening away. So after a hesitant glance, Jamie leaves Alex alone with his secrets brewing up within him.

Those secrets blow up much sooner than Jamie expected.

____

Applause breaks out before the final note of 'A Certain Romance' finishes ringing out in the venue, showering the four lads on stage with their utmost love and praise. Even with his aching muscles, Nick can't help but smile at the adoring crowd. He turns to Jamie to flash him with a grin like he always does, but the guitarist was already withdrawing from the attention. Pretty odd behavior considering that Jamie always waits for the rest of the band to catch up before leaving.

_'Wow,'_ Nick says to himself as he waves goodbye to the audience. ' _Way to leave me hanging there.'_

Everyone gathers in the dressing room and Matt's first protocol is to distribute the six-pack of beer sitting on the vanity. No bars this time - just some beer and some nice familiar company. Alex doesn't even bother to finish his drink when he decides that he needs some time to himself, making a hasty exit. Nick usually doesn't mind, but the way Jamie's face shifts at his departure makes him raise an eyebrow. 

Nick likes to think of himself as a pretty observant person, and out of all of them it was Jamie who he knew the best. He is definitely curious as to why Jamie seems to be lost in thought more oft than not lately, but he figures maybe all he needed is space. Still, Nick was worried and the need to help gnawed at his insides whenever Jamie seemed to be in distress. It was a very apparent saviour complex.

"Nick," Jamie calls his name. "Stop staring at me will you?"

Oh. He was staring. Jamie's look of discomfort made more sense now.

Small talk had been particularly small that day, so no one blames the mood for being a little too quiet for the three young supposed rockstars. Especially with all the shenanigans from last night, a little calm would serve them good. Nick decides that he might as well ask about what's on Jamie's mind to fill in the spaces where conversation should have been.

"Nick? Hello?" Jamie waves his hand in front of the bassist. "Stop staring dammit."

"Sorry, just wondering about last night," Nick says. Judging from the way Jamie tenses up, it seems that he unintentionally hit a nerve. "Not the whole fight and all, just the bit that happens later."

"Eh, what?" Jamie says, glancing to the door. Nick's late follow up didn't seem to ease the guitarist, having the opposite effect instead. That was definitely strange.

"Remember? Al said you guys thought up a new arrangement," Nick reminds him. "I was just wondering why you guys didn't play it out there."

"Oh," Jamie loosens up again. "Eh, we thought that maybe we should practice it a bit more, that's all."

"And maybe demonstrate how it sounds to us," Matt says, brandishing his can of beer.

"Yeah exactly," Jamie agrees. "Al thought keeping you guys in the dark won't be a good idea. Shame, we were pretty excited because it sounded really cool."

"Is that what you were pondering on, looking all thoughtful?" Nick asks, opening another can. "Great look on you but it's a bit concerning."

"Eh, more or less," Jamie says. He hides his face by taking a swig of his beer. 

"Kinda want to hear it more then," Nick says in an attempt to get Jamie to open up a bit more. "Considering how distracting it must be for you, it must be pretty impressive." 

"Me too. I mean it beats sitting around in silence while we wait for the tour bus to get prepped up," Matt joins in. "Grab one of those acoustics and play it."

"Eh it'll sound like shit," Jamie says. 

"But you said earlier that it sounds cool," Matt reminds him.

"Uh yeah, cool with two electric guitars," Jamie puts his can down. "Really lame with one acoustic, trust me. It's not worth listening to it right now."

There were so many glaring slips in Jamie's defense that even when the subject drops, Nick is still hung up over it. He was hiding something, and - despite his best efforts not to be - Nick was curious. Now he was the one who was occupied in deep thought. What could possibly be so bad that Jamie sours at the bare mention of it? Was it the Heather thing? If so, then why was Jamie cautious of Alex? It's so out of his business that prying seemed to be a bit overkill, yet he can't shake off the need to know more.

"I need a breather," Jamie suddenly gets up, making a beeline for the door he has been eyeing for some time. Before Nick adds it to his ever growing list of suspicions, Matt snorts.

"Really Mal, staring at someone is a really big turn off," Matt tells him. "That's probably why Jamie decided to get up and leave."

"Was I really staring again?" Nick asks, a bit embarrassed to have been caught so many times. 

"Practically boring holes into the poor lad," says Matt with a nod. 

Nick slumps back into his seat and finishes off the rest of his drink, wishing he had followed Jamie. Or Alex for that matter. It seemed like half the band had some turmoil he wasn't aware of. _'Matt and I could always try something new and form a band without guitars,'_ he jokes. Then he grimaces at himself, unable to take the thought.

_'That was awful.'_

____

"Bloody awful."

The night air did nothing to soothe Jamie's shame. He curses himself. While he handled the situation as smoothly as possible, Jamie still finds it worrying that Nick could read through him. To be fair, anyone could see that Jamie hasn't been himself recently, but the main reason he was acting differently was to remain inconspicuous among his friends. It hadn't worked out for him at all. Considering that Alex knows.

He lights up a cigarette, watching as his first puff of smoke wafts through the air. Alex. True to his word, he hadn't gone around and blabbed about Jamie, but the possibility was there. It's not like he doesn't trust him, it was just that secrets were often more short lived when more than one person shared it.

_'He won't tell on you,'_ Jamie tries to convince himself. _'He's got his own problems too.'_

That had been another thing. Alex was troubled by something, which Jamie only noticed when Alex had woken up earlier than the rest of them. Either that or he stayed up all night. He usually overslept regardless of the day ahead, so Jamie has a feeling that whatever he had held in the night before was pretty important. Now he was trying to find a way to corner Alex into confiding him again, which was hard because Jamie was also trying to avoid another talk about Nick.

Before his thoughts direct back to the dark haired bassist, Jamie takes a moment to clear his head with silence. Almost silence. There was a near inaudible noise coming from the alley nearby, and as if Jamie wasn't already full of bad ideas, he decides to investigate. Midst the dim light of the street, he sees two figures in deep embrace with one another. At first he's utterly embarrassed; he'd obviously stumbled onto something he wasn't suppose to see. Then he recognizes exactly what he's looking at.

_'Is that... no way.'_ Jamie is in disbelief. 

Yes, seeing Alex Turner snog a girl wasn't a new sight.

But another man? The thought made Jamie's head spin.

Because bad things have to happen to Jamie, he accidentally knocks down a garbage can, signaling the pair of an unwanted presence. Jamie manages to duck back before they see him, but the damage is done and the two break away from each other. The other man runs off after Jamie hears Alex telling him they should stop, yet Jamie still makes no effort to leave. It's like he wants to get caught.

"Jamie?"

And he gets caught again. For the second time.

Alex isn't resentful at all, which is also the second time Jamie is surprised by how laid back his reactions are. Instead, he just laughs as if Jamie just said a bad joke. It should have been pretty awkward and tense like how Jamie was the night before, yet it was anything but. Probably has something to do with the fact that Alex was already willing to admit it anyway. Jamie was absolutely adamant in denying it.

"So," Jamie offers him a cigarette. "How long has this been happening?"

"A bit after forming the band and a bit before the hype hit," Alex answers as he takes the cigarette. "It hit me that I like men and that was it really."

"Oh. And the bloke?"

"Groupie. We've got male groupies, do you know that?" 

Jamie shakes his head. "That's new. Do the rest know?"

"Not that I know of," Alex says. "I haven't really been discreet about it but I didn't exactly go around announcing it."

Looking back, that was true. Alex dropped hints every now and then, which seemed really obvious now that Jamie knows. Honestly, Jamie would have been confused to why he hid it if he hadn't felt the same way. His confession allowed Jamie to reevaluate his own issues. Jamie thought that maybe they would start looking down on him and even kick him out of the band, yet Jamie realizes that Alex was still Alex to him, no matter what his preferences are. It was that acceptance that told Jamie that his fears were unfounded.

There was still something off though, something that Jamie couldn't quite put his finger on. A light bulb turns on in his head as he slowly builds up a hunch. Could it be...?

"Not to make any of this weird," Jamie pauses to think his question through. "But that groupie earlier... looks a bit like Miles doesn't he?"

Alex doesn't answer, letting the question reach to its own conclusion through Alex's sudden fidgety actions. Jamie just nods. So they were both stuck on the same sinking ship, which explains why Alex was so faithful to his promise. Come to think of it, Jamie thought that Alex and Miles would make a good fit. He would have offered advice, but he knew that it would all just be slung back towards him.

"I really wanted to tell you yesterday," Alex says out of the blue. "I've wanted to tell someone for years. Whatever it was, all I knew is that I was just talking to him when it hits me that I liked him. It was weird. I always thought of Miles as a mate so that had messed me up pretty badly. But I accepted it pretty early on because I knew I can't fight whatever was going to happen."

"And?" Jamie persuades Alex to go on further when he pauses.

"Like I said, it was years ago," Alex continues after crushing his cigarette under his foot. "He has a girlfriend now and I'm still single. I'm upset, yeah, but Miles deserves to be happy."

"So what you said yesterday... that was for you isn't it?" Jamie asks, catching on to Alex's subtext. "The bit about acting too late."

"Yeah," Alex nods. "Partly. Some of it was for you, in case you were looking for a sign to go for it. It's also my blessing."

"I'm not convinced."

"What if I say that Nick's always had a thing for you?"

"Even less convinced."

Alex laughs again. "But you're thinking about it aren't you? That he might like you?"

"Why do you keep insisting that?" Jamie groans. "You're just starting some terrible rumors."

"I'm just a bit giddy from all this gossip," Alex admits. "It feels like we're teenage girls at a sleepover. I want to know all the saucy details."

"Come on then," Jamie rolls his eyes. "Time to head back."

In spite of those revelations giving Jamie some more confidence, Jamie still didn't want to be in this situation. The real problem was that even if Jamie's sexuality didn't change anything, his feelings for Nick would. Jamie forbid his own feelings mostly because he knew that he would be chasing an irrational fantasy, and Jamie prided himself on how realistic he was. Not only that but he also treasured his friendships, and he found that nothing ruined good friendships more than one sided longing.

So what was it then? Was he going to accept it or was he going to continue to ignore it? Jamie bites his lip as he decides to keep trying to cast his emotions away. He tells himself that a kiss didn't mean anything and that Nick would never even look at him that way. For some reason, he finds a motivation in proving Alex wrong. Jamie won't allow it to happen. Ever.

"Jamie!"

... And he could feel himself waver at the very sound of the bassist calling out his name. When did he get so weak? Nick seemed to have been idling his time outside the van, perhaps waiting for the two to return. Jamie shakes off any stray thought that may linger on romantic, and greets him with a slight wave. Alex nudges Jamie, silently jeering him. He knows he shouldn't be surprised because Alex had acted this way every time Jamie told him about some girl he liked, but it was absurd to watch him act like this in front of their best friend. 

"Stay out with me for a while," Nick suddenly asks before they could get up on the van. Even Alex is taken aback by his offer. "If you don't mind that is?"

"Oh sorry," Alex excuses himself quickly and bypasses Nick. "But I have something to check up on." He gives Jamie a little thumbs up as he gets on the van.

' _That cheeky littl-'_

"Jamie," Nick calls him again. "I was actually kind of hoping that you'd hang out with me alone."

Asking him to stay outside was a bit of a stretch, but Nick wanted a one on one with Jamie. Granted, it wasn't the best plan, but you don't need an actual thought out plan to talk to your best friend, right? So far, Jamie's skeptical and mildly irritated face seemed to lean towards no. Well, if all things fail, Nick could always just ambush him in his bed again. He could hear Jamie's internal sigh. 

"Sure," came the late reply. Jamie walks away from the van and towards him, uncertainty visible in his steps.

"Alright, follow what I do okay?" Nick lies down on the asphalt of the half empty parking lot. "Do it."

"What the-"

"Do it."

There's a bit of confused grumbling as Jamie slowly lies down next to Nick. "Now what?"

"Look up at the sky."

"Are you really asking me to stargaze with you in a nasty parking lot?"

"Hey, I tried finding some hill nearby but all I found was like five different Tescos all in the vicinity of the area," Nick says. "This is as good as any."

"How are your injuries even holding up?" Jamie asks.

"I'm doing absolutely fantastic. Now hush and look up."

Jamie sighs, but he decides to humor Nick's demands. Unlike the major cities they've toured, the town they were in did not use up as much light during evenings, which meant that there was no distant orange glow to hide away the night sky. He had to admit, it was nice to see the stars in all its splendour from time to time. They were so serene and unattainable that Jamie was filled with a sense of tranquility just by looking at them. It made his worries seem so insignificant compared to the vastness of the void beyond, which was a part of Nick's plan.

He only remembers that time was passing them by when he feels a small squeeze on his hand. Jamie turns and sees Nick staring at him again. There was no context whatsoever, just Nick's warm hand entangled with Jamie's own. It takes all of Jamie's willpower to hold himself down, something he had a horrible track record with whenever it concerned Nick. Nick innocently smiles at him, as if he hadn't caused Jamie's heart to thunder so violently.

But it was different from before. It seemed that Alex's blessing had a comforting effect on him after all. Jamie felt less guilty and more flattered that Nick had especially asked for Jamie to stay back with him, even if his idea of hanging out had gotten them dirty. 

"I like spending time with you," Nick suddenly blurts out, as if he had just read Jamie's mind. 

"What's bringing this on?" Jamie asks, refusing to admit that a sentence so innocuous had ashamedly excited him. 

"I don't say it enough," Nick turns back to the sky. "Truthfully I just wanted to talk to you because you've been on edge for about a week now. But the last time we talked didn't help so I thought maybe you don't need to talk. Maybe you need the opposite, some sort break from all the pressure I suppose."

"So your first thought is that I'll be relaxed by stars?" Jamie can't believe what he was hearing. Nick was apparently not as oblivious as he thinks. "Is that it?"

"I couldn't exactly arrange a jacuzzi and some champagne. This is a poor man's relaxant."

"How long have you been keeping tabs on me?" Jamie couldn't stop his questions. "Why do all this?"

"Like I said, I like being with you," Nick holds up Jamie's hand. "I don't want to meddle in your affairs but you are my best friend. You are absolutely special to me, you know that? After all, you were the one that fought the hardest to let me join the band."

The memory didn't seem like much to Jamie, but the way Nick fondly recalls it tells him that he keeps the moment close to his heart. 

"I didn't do anything Mal," Jamie tells him, too distracted by Nick's utter lack of confidence to dwell on his compliments. "That was all you." 

"It didn't seem that way to me," Nick says. "You were always pushing me forward, and I never told you how grateful I am for that. So here I am, thanking you while we lie on the damp floor. I suppose it isn't the best idea, but at least the sight looks pretty alright."

"It is," Jamie agrees, neither of them breaking away from eye contact. "This will probably be the last time we do this though."

Nick smiles at him. "Probably. It reminds me of when we saw the Killers."

"Huh?" Jamie lost count of how many times he has been caught off guard today.

"I don't remember much from it. I mean I don't even remember agreeing to go with you," Nick says. "I just remember that look on your face when you were shouting along. It was absolutely mad. But even if I'm not that into the Killers, I really had fun with you. It's like your presence elevates things, you know?"

"Well it's probably because I was happy you came along with me."

That marked another instance of Jamie acting before thinking properly. Jamie could feel the heat rising in his face as he goes over the implications of his words. Weirdly enough, Nick brightens immensely at his confession, his grin rivaling the stars they were gawking at earlier. Well at least to Jamie. He's a bit infuriated at how handsome Nick suddenly was to him, and he can't fend off these salacious thoughts as long as Nick continued smiling at him. 

"B-because it beats being lonely," Jamie tries to cover it up. "It's better to have someone along with you when you're watching something so that's why I was happy okay?"

"I told you that I liked being with you so just admit that you like hanging with me too," Nick jabs him in the ribs, and Jamie sees the fervent blush on his face. "Nothing wrong with a couple of friends getting along."

"I didn't say I liked being with you," Jamie says, refusing to play along. "Where did you get that idea from?"

Suddenly, Nick is straddling him and Jamie is absolutely defenseless as Nick tickles him into surrendering. Jamie's forced laughter fills the air.

"Admit it," Nick says as he continued his assault. "You find me fun to be around with."

"S-stop it!" Jamie shouts between fits of giggles. "I'm w-warning you."

"Just say it!"

"No!" 

Jamie eventually finds the power to flip their positions, rolling on top of Nick. He pins the bassist to the ground and grins triumphantly. A sheepish expression finds its way on Nick's face as he realizes that Jamie was about to get his revenge.

"No, I don't like being with you," Jamie says as he pulls Nick's cheeks. "Stop putting words in my mouth."

Nick tries to speak but all he manages are some incoherent syllables. He even tries to glare at Jamie, although it's difficult to look serious with someone toying around with your face. Jamie gives up when Nick begins to whine loudly, making a passerby gives them a bad look. He stands up before he becomes aware of how suggestive they looked.

"Ow! That fucking hurt," Nick exclaims as he sits up. "You are a very persuasive man, Jamie Cook."

"Of course, now get up," Jamie offers him a hand. "The others are probably dying to go now."

"You seem chipper," Nick comments, standing up. "Now are you sure you're okay? Last time we did something like this it had been temporary."

"I'm positive. You can stop mothering me now," Jamie says, knocking on the van's door. He realizes that he was actually being honest for once and that he was finally allowing himself to relax. _'Strange how the only one who can help me simmer down is also the root of the problem.'_

"Will you look at that? Show a little concern and all you get is talked back," Nick pretends to be hurt by his words. "Be a little grateful young man."

Jamie responds by pulling a face at him as he climbs the van's steps. The first thing he notices is Alex's smug face as he gestures over to the window. Ah, so he was peeping on them the whole time, much to Jamie's embarrassment. Thankfully, Matt was preoccupied making tea for the four of them. Nick enters in after him, wiping some dirt off his windbreaker. 

"I need to change," Nick says, walking over to the bedroom to get his clothes. "Remind me to never do anything like that again."

"You gonna follow him?" Alex whispers to Jamie. Jamie laughs out loud as he kicks Alex.

If this was how the rest of the tour was going to be, Jamie was going to have it rough for the next few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To tell you the truth I still have no idea how this site works


	4. In which Matt gets more than he bargained for

As the drummer for Arctic Monkeys, Matt Helders never misses a beat. Both literally and figuratively. 

Rays of sunlight shone through the gaps of the dark curtains, the only sign of light in the dreary van. Matt sat by himself in their kitchen-slash-sitting area, with nothing but a warm cup of tea to give him company. Compared to the others, he was an early riser, which allowed him some much needed time to himself during mornings. Mornings in the tour van were slow mornings, the kind that jumps into noon before you know it. He doesn't look the type, but Matt savoured the peaceful crawls of daybreak.

However, even if he called mornings his, Matt usually wasted that time trying to figure out his bandmates. Under his devil-may-care projection was a concerned friend, and his friends always needed help one way or another. The trouble with them was that they were often clammed up. While it was true that Matt seemed to have a sixth-sense when it came to sensing certain things, he was in no way a mind reader. So he'd often have the pieces to the puzzle but he would no idea how to put them together.

Speaking of puzzles, the bedroom door creaks open as Jamie groggily emerges. Matt stands up and heats a few store bought donuts, tucking away his thoughts for now. The sleep-addled guitarist makes a quick stop at the bathroom before moving on to Matt and his offer of breakfast. 

"Good morning," Jamie greets as he takes a donut. 

"Morning," Matt says. "Sleep well?"

"Eh, it was alright," Jamie says, boiling some water. "My back feels like shit but what else is new?"

"Cheer up, at least we're sleeping in proper beds tonight," Matt reminds him. Months of sleeping on a bunk bed of some musty van made Matt appreciate the finer things in life, namely firm mattresses and warm duvets. Jamie eagerly nods.

"God, it feels like years since I've seen a real bed," Jamie says, slowly preparing his own tea. "But it's just been two weeks hasn't it?"

"Two weeks and three days," Matt corrects him. "And that's around a two weeks of touring in the UK and two months of touring abroad before we're home free."

"I'll be bored after a day of sitting by myself," Jamie scoffs. 

"You're more likely to go into hibernation for a month before you wake up and start pestering us to record something," Matt says. Jamie opens his mouth to argue, but Matt had been pretty spot on.

The third one to wake up, unsurprisingly, is Nick. Jamie automatically pours water in a second cup, quickly preparing Nick's brew from memory. Nick ambles over to them, stretching as he swooped down to take a bite of the donut in Jamie's hand. Matt watches as Jamie splutters and hits Nick on the head, much to the bassist's amusement.

"You're a dick, you know that?" Jamie says, his naturally rosy cheeks sporting a redder tint.

"You took the last strawberry one," Nick points out. "Share it with me at least."

"Wake up earlier if you want it so badly then," Jamie tells him. His words do nothing to stop Nick from taking a few more small bites, aggravating him further. "Or at least ask before continuing to eat it off my hands! This is a little rude and disgusting, even for you."

Nick only grins at him when Jamie finally takes away whatever it was that remained, acting like a mischievous child getting caught in the act. Despite the fact that it was a little too early for this, Matt found himself smiling along. There was a welcoming fraternal warmth that radiated from the two, and even if he was just bystander to their antics, Matt felt engulfed in it. If Matt didn't know better, would have brushed it off as just that.

"So Matt," Nick takes the cup of tea that Jamie gives him. "What's on the agenda today? When are we going to the hotel?"

"I suppose eleven is a good time," Matt replies. "We're supposed to be there at twelve so we could start moving at eleven or eleven thirty tops. We still have to sort out a problem with the rooms."

"What problem?" asks Jamie.

"Well..."

_____

"Three rooms left?"

The four men looked at each other as the receptionist grimly nodded. Matt had hoped that the problem would have sorted itself out before they arrived, but apparently that had been a little too optimistic of him. It's not like any of them care particularly, considering how their sleeping arrangements have been, but it was a bit of a let down to be promised your own space only to share it with someone else at the last minute. 

"Is there at least an extra bed?" Alex asks what the others were thinking. Fortunately, the receptionist nods again.

"We can arrange for an extra bed in one of the rooms," the receptionist says as she taps away on her keyboard. "We truly apologise for the inconvenience. There's a wedding happening nearby and the almost everyone from the groom's family comes from abroad. It's hectic time for us really."

"Sounds a bit rough," Matt sympathises. He turns back to the rest of the group. "I suppose it's a good thing we aren't too nit picky then."

"Well we do have a plan in case this happens," Alex says. "Rock, paper, scissors?"

"That won't work with four people Al," Matt points out.

"Eh, draw straws maybe?" Jamie suggests.

"We have no straws," Alex shook his head. "Let's just stick the two eldest ones into one room."

Being born a year earlier, it was a little obvious that Alex was referring to both Nick and Jamie. Matt notices the way Jamie narrows his eyes at Alex, accusing him of something else entirely. 

"Actually I think the eldest should get their own rooms," Nick objects before Jamie could, strangely determined to get his own room. "Isn't that a senior privilege?"

"Yeah but you have to take one for the team someday," Alex replies. "You're supposed to be the mature ones."

"What does that have to do with sacrifice?" Jamie asks. 

"Are you sure it's alright?" The receptionist whispers to Matt, unable to keep her attention away from the discussion. "I could check if some of the guests are alright with checking out a bit early-"

"It's alright," Matt reassures her. "It's just a healthy disagreement between the lads."

To avoid blowing up the issue any further, they end up with Jamie's idea of drawing makeshift 'straws', which were just pieces of tissue Matt ripped into uneven lengths. Judging from the way Alex's face fell, he definitely wasn't happy about his results. Matt shows him his own short strip, which at least comforted him somewhat. Nick and Jamie give each other a high-five, a little too grateful that they've landed with their own rooms. A loud 'ha' echoes around the lobby as Nick and Jamie rubs their victories into Alex's face.

"It looks like they're excited," the receptionist comments to Matt.

"They're just plain spoiled in the end I suppose," Matt says. "You know how boys are these days."

"Not to offend you or anything, but mind telling them to lower their volume?" She requests with a wince. "I'm afraid your friends might be causing a disturbance."

"Believe me, these two would cause a bigger disturbance if they were sharing a room," Alex quips, overhearing their exchange. This earned him a hard slap on the shoulder from Jamie.

"No need to be bitter about your loss," Jamie says. 

"Your rooms should be nearly ready by the way," the receptionist pipes up. She hands Matt three cards. "And here are your keys. Room 416 should have the extra bed."

"Right then Matt, that's our room," Alex says as he grabs his luggage. 

"The lone rooms are 223 and 615 I suppose?" Matt examines the cards, taking note of the different floors they seemed to be scattered on. 

"Yes," she nods. "You can take the elevator to the left. Have a nice stay, sirs."

They thanked her and gathered the rest of their belongings as a man approached them to offer assistance. After Nick and Jamie decided on who gets to stay on what floor, things were settled pretty quickly after that. Perhaps they were motivated by the promise of a well deserved rest. The way Alex falls asleep the moment he hits the bed confirms it. Matt could practically feel the rest of the band snoring all the way from his room, exhausted from their tour. 

Whatever it was, Matt found himself alone again much sooner than he expected. He lay on his own bed, debating between ordering room service or watching some television. Even though he should be reserving some energy for tonight's show, Matt just didn't feel like napping just yet. In fact, he actually felt like doing something pretty productive. The thought made him laugh. Is there even room for doing anything productive when all you have is a suitcase full of clothes you've been recycling for about a month?

Matt looked up the ceiling. Maybe he should take up another hobby.

______

As the drummer for Arctic Monkeys, Matt Helders had a great spot on the action.

When he wasn't so preoccupied with drumming - which was a large chunk of the time - Matt had to admit he had a comfortable view. It wasn't like the others who were sometimes way too close to the edge of the stage, yet Matt was still close enough to feel the elation and excitement emanating from the audience. Matt could also watch his bandmates quite closely if he wanted to, seeing how they were more susceptible to the heat of the moment on stage. 

For example, Alex would turn a little more serious than usual during 505. It's not the kind of sombreness that comes along because the song demanded a slower touch. It was a kind of hushed melancholy that stemmed from an ache of sorts, as if he was trying to distance himself from a memory. Matt hits his snare. Classic broken hearted Alex. He carried himself high and carefree, but Alex would never be able to fool Matt.

Jamie had been another case. Sure, glancing over to the right may seem innocent enough, and Matt would have been fooled if it wasn't for Jamie's hastiness. Glancing may not even be the appropriate description of Jamie's curious tic - stealing glances was more fitting really. But either way, there was something that Jamie just couldn't keep his eyes off, whether he liked it or not. And, as it seemed to Matt, Jamie really did not want to like whatever it was.

They finish with a flourish. If they weren't exhausted and running out of songs, the band would have come out for a second encore. There were around a few dozen more shows for them to play anyway. Nick puts his arm around Matt's shoulders as he got down from his drum set. Matt decides to throw his sticks to the crowd, granting the wishes of two particularly lucky fans. Nick laughs, still a little dazed from their gig.

"Let's hit a club," Alex suggests on the van ride back to the hotel. "I've still got some energy left in me."

"Sure, why not?" Matt says, jumping on board. "I think the last time we've gone we were still recording the album."

"Well I'm up for it," Nick nods. "What about you Jamie?"

"Eh, sorry Mal. I feel like sitting this one out," Jamie turns down the offer. "I rather catch a few more hours of sleep."

"You heard him. Time to leave Grandfather Cook behind," Alex says. "The rest of us are going to live a little."

"You lot are going to be extremely jealous of Grandfather Cook when he wakes up refreshed," Jamie says, his tone placing somewhere between sarcastic and offended. "Have fun with your terrible terrible hangovers."

"Nice try spoiling the mood," Alex jabs him in the side. "But we're still going."

"We're young and reckless," Matt says, thumping his fist on to a table for some effect. "The need to live fast fuels us."

"I'm just here for the alcohol and the girls," Nick says. He turns to Jamie. "You sure you don't want to come? I might need a wingman you know."

"Why me? Matt or Alex could help you pick up girls better," Jamie's voice developed a strange inflection around the end of his sentence, coming off as a little irritated to be reduced to some sort of back up. "Anyway it'll be a waste of a perfectly good bed if I'm barely going to use it." 

"But then it'll be a waste of a perfectly good night if you're not gonna be around," Nick sighs. The subtle upturn of the corners of Jamie's lips goes unnoticed. By Nick at least. "I suppose I'll make do with these two then. Do your best to get me laid."

"We can't work miracles mate," Alex says. Nick laughs in reply, taking the joke in stride.

Eventually they make it back to the hotel, and despite their insistence and teasing, Jamie's decision doesn't change at all. It was understandable. Fatigue was something all of them were susceptible to on tour. They part ways as they wish the guitarist good night before heading towards the hotel's club, which was surprisingly packed. This was both a good thing and a bad thing for the three. Combined with all the strobe lights contrasting in the dimly lit area, it was pretty easy for the three to immerse themselves in the club atmosphere, but then it was a pain in the ass to manoeuvre themselves in the club itself. 

"Everyone's ass to ankles in here," Matt comments, trying to navigate his way further into the club. "I can barel- oops sorry."

"Watch where you're going Matt," Alex tells him as Matt narrowly avoids collision with a woman holding a few drinks. "And where's Nick?"

"I'm here," came the muffled reply. Nick quickly made his way over to them. "No offence but I want to sit over at the bar. I'm a little overwhelmed by all these people at the moment."

"You're that eager to drink?" Alex raises an eyebrow. "You could have just taken a few beers to your room instead if that's what you wanted."

"It's not fun to drink alone," Nick says, raising his voice so Alex could hear him clearly. "And no actually, I'm not only here for that."

"Mind continuing this somewhere that isn't in the way?" Matt interrupts. "Both of you are causing an inconvenience to everyone who's trying to get in between you two."

"Yeah, alright. I do want to move a little," Alex gestures over to the dancefloor. "Who's joining?"

"Later," Nick replies. "I need to loosen up a bit before I can shed my dignity completely."

"Matt?" Alex asks. 

"Sure," Matt turns to Nick. "Meet us there, yeah?"

"No problem," Nick says. "That is if I could still see straight."

Matt laughs as Alex drags him over the crowded dancefloor, the sheer volume of the bass drops and the loud drunks coalescing in the most unpleasant way in Matt's ears. It stops pounding in his head after he gets a little used to all the chaos, finally dancing along. The truth was that Matt's moves had mostly consisted of jumping up and down more or less to the beat, but that was considered the general go to move in a club. Alex was a little more creative, except Matt still refused to acknowledge whatever hip gyration he was doing as a dance. 

It's only when the DJ starts to play some remix of a Strokes' single that Matt decides that it would be dangerous to remain in close proximity to Alex's flailing limbs. He leaves the dancefloor for a breather, sighing in relief as he gets out of there relatively safe and sound. Noticing that Nick did not actually follow them, Matt checks the bar for any signs of the bassist.

Sure enough, Nick's drunken giggling is hard to miss. He was positioned on the bar with a half drained glass and the rapid attention of another man. Judging from the coquettish look on the man's face, there was definitely something else going on. Alarms were ringing out in Matt's head, his instincts telling him that it was time to intervene.

"So Nick," Matt walks up to them, still breathless. "You still haven't danced with us yet."

"Friend of yours?" The man regarded Matt with a little hostility, obviously annoyed at his interruption. 

"Yeah this is Matt," Nick says. He was a good actor when he was blatantly hammered. "Good old Matt. Matt this is Pete. He's a traveller."

"Pleasure," Pete shakes Matt's hand with an unwelcoming firmness. Matt figured that he was at least a tourist, considering his foreign accent.

"Right, would you excuse us for a bit?" Matt gets Nick up to his feet. "Need to discuss something right now."

"Wait what?" Nick gives him a confused and disappointed look and Matt returns it with his own stern one.

"Make it quick," Pete says as Matt leads Nick away from him. 

"What are you doing?" Matt whispers to him when he was sure that the man was out of earshot. "Alex could have easily seen that."

"Matt don't be that guy," Nick says with a pout. "What part of 'I need to get laid' wasn't clear enough?"

"I'm just looking out for you. May I remind you, Al still doesn't know you're gay," Matt responds. "How drunk are you right now?"

"Maybe a whole tequila bottle."

"That wasn't my question but I suppose that's an appropriate answer," Matt says. "Christ Nick, you know you can't hold your tequilas. You're usually gone by the 4th glass."

"Listen Matt, I really need some action," Nick looks him in the eye, which allowed Matt to see exactly how wasted he was. "And sober Nick isn't the right Nick for the job. Nick needs drunk Nick for sex."

"Okay, this is veering onto some really uncomfortable territory," Matt grimaces. "Honestly I'm really not interested in hearing how desperate you are."

"Maaaaatt," Nick whines before burying his head into Matt's chest. "I'm a mess."

Matt sees Pete at the bar, who was growing more and more pissed by the minute. He eventually leaves, which is great news to Matt. Something about him was giving off some weird vibes that suggested that he might be a creep, and Matt was not about to trust his wasted friend with an impatient prick. Seeing how the bar was safe again, Matt leads Nick back to the stools so they can talk a bit more comfortably.

"Wanna talk about it Mal?" Matt asks while he helps Nick get on the chair. "Seems like you're about to vomit your problems out."

"I'm not that drunk," Nick slumps. "I just want to kiss a bloke that's all."

"It sounded like something more," Matt grabs his jacket from Nick. "Like one that's actually worth a drinking binge and a near meltdown. And let me tell you, that Pete guy was not worth it."

"I'm trying to pour my feelings out to you and you're here chastising me," Nick presses his face to the bar. "... I wish Jamie came along." 

As if on cue, a smile reappears on Nick's face again. "If Jamie was here, you know what he'd do? Drink me under the table probably. But you know what Jamie would really do?" Nick pauses to giggle. "He would dance the night away, that one. God I love his dancing. He looks like an idiot but it makes me laugh all the time."

Matt signals the bartender over. "I'm gonna need a drink if I'm going to go through this again."

"Me too," Nick's head shoots up. "More tequila please."

"No more tequilas," Matt tells him. "Just beer."

The bartender nods and tends to Matt's orders, much to Nick's dismay. While it was nice to have Matt's company, Nick had the curious urge to get absolutely hammered tonight, but someone just had to keep butting in. Matt slides a pint over to him, knowing full well that it would take several rounds before Nick could be affected by straight beer. He takes it without argument anyway. As drunk as he was, Nick knew that Matt was probably doing this for his own good.

"Are you wasted yet?" Nick asks as Matt finishes his glass. "I can't get into that proper rambling mood knowing that you'll remember this in the morning."

"Nick, you've already told me everything there is to know about you," Matt says. "Painfully sober, I may add."

"Oh, right," Nick pauses. "But I want to rant and that's about a hundred times more embarrassing when I'm drunk."

"There you are," came another voice. They turn to see a sweaty Alex. "Been wondering where you ran off to."

"Hey Al," Nick straightens his posture. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah I met a girl out there," Alex says. "But I'm feeling a little parched at the moment."

"Two more beers please," Matt orders before looking back at Alex again. "Wanna stay and drink with us?"

"Nah, I'm gonna head on back after this," Alex says. "Why don't you two come and join me?"

Matt holds Nick back before he could take up his offer. "There is no way I'm letting you out there."

"What's wrong with him?" Alex asks as he picks up the mug the bartender leaves on the bar. "Is he drunk?"

"Take a guess," Nick says, leaning towards Alex. Alex holds his own nose.

"Why the hell do you smell like that one time Matt got lost in Cardiff?" Alex says.

"That's probably more or less what happened here," Matt speaks up for Nick, who erupted in a fit of giggles. "Either way he's not in a good condition now."

"Let me take his key then," Alex suggests. "I have our key and I'm not gonna drink anymore tonight, so in case anything happens I'll have access to both the rooms."

"Sounds a little unnecessary," Matt says, but Nick was already handing Alex his card.

"I trust Alex more than I trust myself like this," Nick admits to Matt. "It sounds safer this way."

Matt would have argued if he cared enough, but he just shrugs instead. "Keep them safe then."

"Don't worry Matt, I'm a big boy," Alex says after he downs his beer. "Guess I'll leave now then. Be careful you rascals."

"Yeah yeah," Matt says as he waves him off. "It's not like we'll get into much trouble."

Perhaps it would have been a better idea to have ended the night right there, but Matt could only be responsible for so long. They didn't have a gig the next day (or later, if Matt's wrist watch was correct) so why not stay in longer? As long as Matt still had a somewhat stable grasp on his consciousness, his considered the situation as manageable. Nick was already midway into his fifth drunk confession, which Matt was something heard many times before, but found it as entertaining every single time.

"Imagine being stuck in a toilet with no toilet paper or even a proper functioning flush," Nick hiccups. "That's how it felt working a minimum-wage job. You get a constant reminder of how your life is heading to shit and you get zero respect. And like zero paycheques. Fucking shit."

"Must be tough working in an ASDA," Matt comments. He nurses his beer before continuing. "Then again, without the band I'll be what? Stuck as a barista?"

"Oh but you like being behind the bar," Nick teases.

"Yeah I love serving loud mouthed assholes night after night," Matt sarcastically replies. He catches the look the bartender gives him. "No offence."

"You were already pretty good at it though," Nick points out. "Correction: ARE pretty good at it. You and Al make some of the best mixed drinks out there, no lie. And you've got that whole chatty man aura to you."

"That does sound good," Matt admits. "And yeah, I might have thought of it every once in a while."

"Seriously, bar tending could have been a good path for you to take," Nick muses. "Imagine having your own bar where I could get drunk anytime I want and know that I'm safe hands. People would flock to it every 5 pm on a weekday and every 3 pm on a Saturday. Invest a little more and you could even have a turntable where you could spin a few tracks."

"As tempting as that sounds, I actually like being a drummer," Matt says. "Who cares about being behind the bar when you could be behind the drum set of a pretty decent band?"

"Yeah but my point was that you liked your old job," Nick pauses to take a swig of his beer. "I abhorred mine because I wasn't going anywhere with being a cashier. Life was boring before I became your bassist."

Matt finishes his nth glass before continuing with a nod. "Thank Jamie. He really wanted you in the band."

"Are you really going to shift the conversation back to him?" Nick sheepishly smiles. "I figured you'd get tired of me ranting 'bout that."

"It's hilarious to hear. Plus it's less of a downer to talk about."

Nick places his head back down on the bar and sighs. "Not to me."

"Honestly? After all these years?" Matt asks, drumming his fingers on his glass. It takes a moment before he finds the lack of response concerning. "Nick? You alright?"

"Hmm?" Nick jostles back to life after Matt shakes him. "I'm okay but I'm feeling a little sleepy." 

"Time to leave I suppose," Matt sighs. He subconsciously feels his pockets for his key, before remembering where he'd kept it. "Fuck, our shit is with Alex."

"Hm, I'll stay here," Nick mumbles. "Go and find him."

Even if he had handcuffed Nick to the bar, Matt doubts that he would feel any less uncomfortable with the thought of leaving him alone. But what other choice was there? Matt glances back at Nick while he quickly runs over to the dancefloor, trying to spot Alex without wasting too much time. He combs the club twice and even searches the lobby, yet no trace of the frontman could be found. Matt swears that he'll kill him the next time he sees Alex. _If_ he ever sees Alex again that is. Slightly panicked and angry, Matt makes his way back to the bar, where he sees Nick sitting a little more upright with another glass of beer in his hands.

"Al isn't even answering his phone," he grumbles to Nick. "The fuck are we going to do now? I can't bloody find Alex."

"Oh hello Matt," Nick slurs, giggling a little. "He's here somewhere I suppose."

Matt, who was beginning to sober up from the ordeal, sees through Nick's act and notices an undeniable sway to him.  "There's something odd about you."

"Rude."

"No I mean there is something different about you," Matt grabs the glass in Nick's hand, much to Nick's protests. "This isn't beer is it?"

"Of course it is you gong," Nick tries to snatch it back, but Matt is too quick for him. The drummer takes a huge swig and gives him a look. "Uh..."

"Nick," Matt slowly says. "Really?"

"You were gone and I got thirsty," Nick says, hiccuping in between. "So I ordered a tequila or two?"

"This is great," Matt says, lacking the inhibition to mask his disappointment. "Not only is Alex missing but you're also drunk off your ass."

"I'm alright," Nick objects. He stands up to prove his point. It's convincing up until the part where he stumbles into Matt's arms.

"You were saying?"

"I just need a little help," Nick says before gagging. "... and a bathroom."

_______________

"For fuck's sake, stop knocking! I'm coming!"

The door swings open, and Matt makes eye contact with Jamie's tired and confused ones. Jamie squints to make sure that he had been seeing correctly, and Matt could see his weariness jump out of the window as he took in the pathetic sight in front of him. It wasn't every day that Jamie sees Matt half-carrying, half-dragging a barely conscious Nick. Mouth agape, Jamie wordlessly ushers the two into the room.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jamie drops the question as he closes the door. "Why are you here?"

"This one got drunk and Alex probably scampered off somewhere-oof," Matt answers, dumping Nick over on the bed. "Which is terrible by the way, because Al has our keys."

"Wh- I," Jamie sighs. "I don't want to know." 

"Good because it's a long story and I'm tired," Matt sits on the couch. "He's a fucking pain to deal with when he's drunk."

Jamie nods as if it was something he'd often deal with. "You're telling me." Matt had to wonder about the ambiguity in his words.

As if on cue, Nick starts to stir. 

"Ngh, it's warm..."

"How are you feeling?" Jamie sits down on the bed and feels his forehead. "Shitfaced?"

"No. Warm," Nick mutters before he starts removing his clothes. 

"God no, stop stripping," Jamie grabs a hold of his arms, trying to hide his blush from Matt. Nick continues to struggle in his grasp. "I mean it you slag. I'm not having any of this right now."

"My clothes are wet," Nick protests feebly. "I can't sleep like this."

"He decided to splash water all over himself after hurling his guts out in the club bathroom," Matt explains. "Not toilet water though, so it's safe to touch him."

"That doesn't justify the stripper bit," Jamie grumbles. "What the hell is he going to wear to bed?"

"Just give him an extra shirt or something," Matt shrugs as he removes his jacket. "You worry too much."

Begrudgingly, Jamie lets go of Nick with a frustrated sigh and walks over to his luggage. It doesn't even take a minute for Jamie to find something appropriate for Nick to wear, but in that time Nick had already fallen soundly asleep. Thankfully, he dozed off midway in his tussle with his clothes, so at least Jamie didn't have to worry about whether he was decent or not. If Matt wasn't slipping in and out of consciousness he would have asked why that even bothered the guitarist at all. But Matt had already found a comfortable position on the couch, and he didn't want to waste any more time being awake. Jamie's cursing was the last thing he hears before he drifts off.

But he wakes up again, maybe an hour or so before sunrise or maybe even after an hour of sleep. All he knows is that the lamps have been turned off and a blanket was draped on him, which means that the rest were probably asleep. It's too early to get up, so Matt shifts positions to settle back into his slumber, only to see that he was wrong. Jamie was dead awake. Using what little light was available to see, Matt watches as Jamie gently strokes Nick's forehead, a surprisingly pleasant domestic scene to wake up to. Matt tries to shake off the implicit meanings he gathers behind all that caressing, telling himself that he's reading too much into it.

Perhaps Matt shouldn't disturb them. It would be easy to turn and ignore it all because Matt had no business to speculate. He'd always done it anyway. He was a spectator, not an instigator - there was no space for Matt to squeeze in his two cents, even if he had a lot to say on the matter. Knowing Jamie, he wouldn't be inclined to open up about something like that. He shuts his eyes tight.

Oh to hell with it. It was only fair to get his share of answers.

"Jamie," Matt croaks out, alarming the guitarist. He clears his throat and tries again. "Did you sleep?"

"How long have you been awake?" Jamie shoots back with another question as he withdraws his hand hastily. Even in the dark Matt could see his embarrassment.

"A minute maybe. Not much," Matt sits up to face Jamie. "I feel both better and worse, if you were wondering. Is Nick awake?"

"No," Jamie answers.

"So what's with the whole touching thing then?" Matt asks as he points to Nick, still not sober enough to find some tact. 

Jamie hesitates to answer, but he figures that the truth wasn't that much of a scandal. "Nick had a terrible dream or summat. I don't know why but I thought maybe he'd calm down a little if I tried comforting him. Looks a bit weird, doesn't it?"

Matt looks over to Nick. "Seems like it worked though. You're a good friend Jamie."

"Hah," he snorts before blurting out a throwaway comment. "I'm not a good friend at all."

"...boyfriend?" Matt taunts. A low shot, but one he was willing to shoot for if it meant that Jamie would talk.

"Haha, funny," Jamie dourly laughs. "We should go back to sleep."

"But you can't sleep can't you? If you were sleeping all this time then you wouldn't have noticed that Nick was having a nightmare. Unless he was tossing about, which I doubt," Matt surmises. "Nick isn't the type to move while he's knocked out like this."

"I could have just woken up right about now," Jamie says, trying to find an excuse.

"That still means that there's probably something bothering you," Matt rebuts. "I'm sensing something juicy here and I won't quit until I find out."

"There's nothing I-"

The conversation hits a standstill as Matt scrutinises Jamie's reaction. He doesn't want to share anything at all, but Matt has him backed against a wall, and even if he didn't say anything Matt would still be able to piece together from his lack of words. A little crude of Matt, but it was about five in the morning. If there was a time to be blunt, it was now. Matt could feel the gears turning in Jamie's head as he thinks it over, calculating whether or not Matt was trustworthy enough to confide to. Jamie takes a deep breath. He's getting too careless, and maybe it had something to do with the fact that he desperately needed to talk about it at that moment, but Jamie gives in and decides to trust Matt.

"Don't think of me badly, okay?" Jamie tells him and pauses. 

"I'm not that petty," Matt says. "Tell me already."

"I-I kissed him," Jamie finally confesses. "At the Killers gig."

"Oh," Matt raises his eyebrows. He didn't expect that. "Pretty bold of you."

"But I don't like him as more than a friend," Jamie quickly finishes. "And no, I don't know why I did that either."

"If you're thinking that I'll discriminate you, I won't. I don't care about that Jamie," Matt reassures him. "But I do care about you. And Nick. Unfortunately for you, I've decided to shoehorn myself into your relationship."

"It's not like that at all anyway," Jamie insists. "I- I think it's not like that. Fuck, I don't know. I was drunk, Matt, I wasn't myself. And now I'm confusing it all for something else."

Matt was starting to see how it affected his friend and he starts to feel a little bad about pushing the issue. He stops to think of the proper words that could convey exactly what he was thinking. "Sometimes Jamie," Matt begins slowly. "Emotions aren't as linear as you think. Sometimes they'll take years to form, or maybe they've been there all along. Either way it's not something you can control willingly, so you have to learn not to be scared of it. It's just natural to feel this way."  
   
"I know that. I've been in relationships before," Jamie points out.

"Not with your best friend you haven't," Matt lies back down. 

"Because I don't want to," Jamie tries to keep his level low. "Yes, he's my best friend.  _Our_  best friend. Are you not seeing how wrong that is?"

"Did you even listen to my monologue? Things change," Matt tells him. He knew Jamie was stubborn, but he was beginning to find the whole thing a little silly. "Just do yourself a favour and accept it, that you're into him."

Jamie lets out a strangled noise that was something between a whine and a groan. He gets back under the covers of the bed, trying to calm himself down. Matt, being Matt, didn't allow him to have that satisfaction.

"Was he a good kisser though?" Matt asks.

"Why the fuck are you asking this?" Jamie groans again. A moment of silence passes before he speaks again, voice low and ashamed. "...He kinda tasted like Al's margaritas."

"Thanks. Now whenever Al makes us margaritas I'll feel like I'm kissing Nick," Matt says, getting more than he wanted.

"You're the one who asked. He had 50 of those before we went to the gig," Jamie explains.

"Okay but I asked if he was a good kisser, not what he tastes like."

"I don't know if he's a good kisser," Jamie buries himself under the blanket. "When I kissed him it was really soft. It wasn't a full blown snog, if that's what you're thinking. It was like a peck or whatever."

"That's cute," Matt gushed. Jamie pops his head out of the covers just to glare at him in the dark. "Come on, it's cute. Imagine that, finding love while traveling on tour. It's like eat your heart out 'Sleepless in Seattle', there's a better romance out there."

Jamie hides his face in a pillow and flips him the bird. "Fuck off Matt."

"Seriously though, he likes you," Matt continues. "I mean I assume he gave you some consent, which probably meant he probably feels the same."

"That's the thing, he doesn't fucking remember," Jamie says. "Which is good because it makes it less awkward for everybody and because he's probably not into men."

"What? Why the hell doesn't he remember?" Matt asks, ignoring the last part of what Jamie said.

"I told you he drank like 50 margaritas. When I asked him the next day he didn't remember any of it at all," Jamie turns and looks up at the ceiling. "I... ugh, nevermind."

"No, we're gonna talk this through," Matt says. "Tell me everything. My lips will be shut tight, I promise."

"I just want to sleep this off," Jamie sighs.

"That's what you want. What you need is to accept that you have these feelings and it's gone to the point where you can't even sleep next to him," Matt says. "It won't hurt so stop being so evasive and just face the music."

"Alex said the same thing," he mutters.

"Even Alex?" Matt lets out a short breath. "If he knows then you know it's fucking obvious. His mum probably got wind of this by now."

"She won't believe it."

"Are you kidding me? Alex almost scored with Kate Moss once and that's more unbelievable than whatever it is you're feeling. But you know, I've got to tell you the truth though, it is weird to develop feelings for a friend. If you told me that you liked me or Al or whatever, it would blown my mind completely. But Nick?" Matt stops to chuckle. "For some reason, it sounds about right. It's like when you're writing a song that you've barely got the tune for and you accidentally hit the right chords. Or when you're eating a steak and you've poured the exact amount of sauce you wanted. Honestly, I don't want to pull on your strings, but I don't see what's so unbelievable about this." 

Another silence. Matt has no way of knowing whether Jamie ignored him and went back to sleep, and he was torn on whether he should follow suit. Maybe they should drop the issue, since Jamie was too hard-headed to actually listen to Matt. At least Matt wasn't behind on the latest news now. He thinks about swapping gossip with Alex before he remembers that he was angry at him for leaving them in the club. Matt's headache started to act up just by thinking of him, another reason to blame Alex for everything bad that has happened tonight.  

"I can't sleep," Jamie suddenly mutters. Ah, so he did ignore Matt.

"Let's switch places then. I'll sleep there and you sleep here," Matt gets up from the couch. "Agreed?"

"Agreed," Jamie slowly leaves the bed. He stops in his tracks.

"What is it?" Matt asks, walking towards him and checking out the situation. "Oh. I see."

Nick's clasp on Jamie's arm was loose enough to be pushed away, but it was all Jamie needed to have second thoughts. It didn't seem that Nick was awake or even aware of his instinct to cling onto Jamie. Gingerly, the unsettled guitarist abashedly takes Nick's hand and sets it aside, lingering on his hold a little longer than needed. It was surreal to Matt that Jamie could misinterpret their actions as anything else, but he guessed that Jamie was just holding on to the notion that their friendship was too solid to become something more. Then again, maybe Matt was still drunk.

They settle into their bed space for the second time that night, and as much as Matt hated to admit it, he was glad that Jamie had agreed to swap beds. The actual bed was much more comfortable and welcoming and was a lot less likely to give him a crimp in his neck. Matt turns and faces Nick, whose eyebrows were furrowed. Perhaps these were the nightmares that Jamie mentioned. Curious, he tries to calm him down like the way Jamie had described, but nothing happens. Matt would have gotten offended if Jamie hadn't spoken up at the same time.

"I hate the fact that you got me talking," he says. "The more people that know about this, the harder it is to ignore."

"Maybe that's a sign that you shouldn't ignore it."

"I want to try at least. I want to try so Nick doesn't have to know, so that he doesn't have to pretend that things have changed," Jamie continues. "I don't want to lose him ever."

"You keep going back and forth with this," Matt says. "I didn't tell you to tell him, I just said that you have to accept it. At this rate, you'll actually lose him."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Matt changes his argument. "The point is that you have to suck it and see. I can tell that you've just got all this pent up frustration in you because I didn't even goad you this time, you just dug up your own grave."

"Maybe it's because you're more comforting to talk to than Al," Jamie pauses. "If you keep giving out advice like this, then maybe you should own your own bar."

"Funny, someone else also gave me that same exact idea," Matt yawns, gradually falling asleep.

_________________________________________

After everything that has happened, Matt was still the first to wake up. His tirelessly resilient habits ignore his headache and desperate need for more rest as he forces himself to get up and prepare for the day ahead. He takes a bottle of water and surveys the room. Nick was haplessly splayed out on the bed, still in the same position Matt had tossed him on. By the the looks of it, he wasn't waking up anytime soon. And when he does he'll probably have a terrible, terrible hangover. In contrast to Nick, it was a little more painful to look at Jamie, who was all curled up in an attempt to fit on the couch properly. He wouldn't have had to squeeze himself in that position if they hadn't intruded on him, something Matt had felt partly responsible for. He briefly contemplates making it up with some breakfast, seeing how he could quickly go around the block and check for a place to buy some take away.

A sharp ache brought him to his senses again. Nope, no amount of guilt could bring Matt to go out and get some breakfast. His eyes still haven't even adjusted to the light yet. He closes them for a moment and takes in the silence, becoming a little more conscious of all the things he'd done the night before. A good number of them were embarrassing to think about, but not for him in particular. The memories he had were concrete proof of how embarrassing his mouthy friends were. Matt slightly wishes that he could forget them for their sake, yet there was a part of him that laughed at whatever nonsense he had been exposed to. His headache refused to go down no matter what he did, which meant that he'd have to deal with it for the rest of the morning.

Jamie wakes up just in time to catch Matt get off the hotel telephone, who eventually made up his mind and called for room service. He waits until Jamie finishes in the bathroom before he asks for an aspirin. 

"Eh, I dunno," Jamie scratches his head. "Let me check my bag."

"I hope you don't mind chicken for breakfast. There wasn't much of a choice," Matt says.

"Would it still count as breakfast? I reckon it's around noon at least," Jamie says as he rifles through his bag.

"It's 11," Matt answers, looking at his watch.

"Oh that's pretty early I suppose," Jamie says. He takes out a packet of pills from a pocket and hands them over to Matt. "Eh, kinda late for you though."

"Waking up at 11, wow. I'm finally living on the edge," Matt gratefully takes the pills. "What will my mother say?"

"You stayed out until 4 am at a club," Jamie reminds him.

"Yeah, taking care of him," Matt gestures to Nick. "Christ, look at that. Looks like he's in a coma or summat, I mean he's barely moving." 

"'Cos he's asleep. Leave him be," Jamie hushes him. 

Now that Matt had slept away the effects of the alcohol, he was feeling slightly less abrasive about getting into Jamie's private affairs. If late evenings were a time of unabashed confessions, then mornings were a time of reflection. Both of them fell into silence, thinking of the same thing but in different directions. Yes, Matt has a million things to say to Jamie, but Matt was a considerate friend first and foremost. Unless given the chance to look back, Matt won't dredge out any conversations that are mainly reserved for the past. The fact that Nick could wake up any time and hear them was probably another reason to keep silent. That and the dull beating in Matt's head. 

"Are you feeling better?" Jamie asks Matt after brewing some tea.

"Well I only around had seven rounds so I suppose I was fairly alright. But I bet if you ask Nick about last night and he'll probably blank out," Matt says.

Jamie turns to Nick, as if his eyes didn't indadvertedly rest on him whenever he shifts his glance. "That's not a surprise. He won't care that he's forgotten what? A night of partying?"

"It was more of a deep one-on-one session actually," Matt clarifies. "Here's what basically happened: he got drunk, I got slightly drunk, he starts ranting about some crazy things, and then he gets sick."

"Sounds like any other time I've gone out with him. Sometimes his stomach is strong enough to handle it but I feel like it happens often enough to be a constant thing," Jamie says. "But yeah, if he's not dancing he's trying to get me to listen to his nonsense."

Matt feels a sense of de-ja vu. "But that makes him a fun drunk."

"I didn't say it didn't. There's a reason that he's the first one I call to have a drink with," Jamie confesses despite himself. "I like listening to him run his mouth like an idiot. He's funny like that."

Suddenly, Matt smiles. Jamie catches himself and turns away from Matt, pretending that he hadn't admitted what he just said. 

"You two are more similar than you think," Matt says, more to himself than to Jamie.

Before Jamie could ask what he meant, the doorbell rings and Matt excuses himself to get the door. Matt doesn't know why he ordered roast chicken either, but it smells good and it looks like there's enough for all of them. The employee hands the tray to him and while he was in the middle of thanking him, another door in the hall opens and Matt spots a familiar face from the corner of his eye. Matt pauses and turns. The scantily clad figure slides a tray out to the hall, oblivious to the look of disbelief shot at him. Eventually he turns and makes eye contact with Matt and instinctively hid back into the hotel room he emerged from. 

"Thank you," Matt dismisses the employee. That was another question answered.

When Matt enters the room again Nick had finally woken up, looking worse for wear and fumbling with the packet of aspirin as Jamie makes his tea for him. Despite the sluggishness in his actions, the way Nick's eyes animatedly light up when he sees the chicken told Matt that he was alright underneath all the tangles of hair and dark circles. Matt took a piece of the chicken the moment he laid it down on the coffee table, just in case the look on Nick's face was a warning. Jamie sniffs the air.

"Ah, that's why you woke up," Jamie says, handing the mug to Nick. "You must be pretty hungry."

"Famished," Nick's voice was hoarse. He places his tea on the bed stand before he slides off the bed. "Let me have at it."

It's not like Matt would have been fast enough to stop him anyway, so he just lets him take whatever he wants. Nick, in his haste to eat, completely foregoes the utensils and digs straight into the chicken, unaware of how disgusted Jamie looked in the background. Shrugging, Matt grabs a leg and began eating. He had to get some of the chicken at least, seeing how it was his idea, which technically made it  _his_  chicken. Nick seemed too preoccupied with his crazed gorging to care, but he had a valid excuse considering the fact that his stomach was completely empty after last night. Before Matt could make a move on the other leg, Nick beats him to it, ripping it off in front of him. There was no point in hiding the disappointment in his eyes because even that gets overlooked. Matt almost felt offended enough to make an issue about it.

Instead, he watches as Nick turns around to face Jamie. "You want to eat, Jamie? I've got this leg for you."

Matt rated 'offering a chicken drumstick' below 'sensual arm stroking' in terms of acceptable displays of affection, but it seemed to work on Jamie. Now that Matt had an idea of what he had been thinking of lately, it was hard not to notice how obvious Jamie was. Either that or Jamie was really hungry.

"Eh, I'm fine," Jamie shakes his head. "I'll eat whatever you guys leave behind."

"You sure?" Nick asks. "I'm offering the good parts you know."

"Yeah I'm sure. I'm not quite hungry yet," Jamie says.

"Just give it to me then," Matt says. "I would never refuse food from you."

"Come on, Jamie," Nick insists, ignoring Matt. "You need to eat breakfast to grow big and strong. I'll even feed you if you want."

Jamie sighs. "If it'll get you to stop."

"You just want him to feed you, is that it?" Matt asks, somewhat insulted that he'd been glossed over. "Keep your kinks to yourself, Cookie."

"Is that so?" Nick raises an eyebrow. There was that hint of mischievousness in his smile that Matt had successfully brought out.

"What? No, don't you dare-"

The panicked look on Jamie's face as Nick stood up and approached him was worth losing some chicken. Even with what Matt assumes to be a killer hangover, Nick was still aggressive enough to easily overpower Jamie, accidentally toppling him over on the bed. There was no way he was going to stop whatever assault was about to take place. It was the perfect chance for Matt to eat in peace. Plus, watching Jamie getting antagonised was the one of the classiest pieces of entertainment that Matt would ever be graced to watch. After a brief struggle, Nick smears the chicken on Jamie's face, causing him to shriek out in response. Matt winces, his hearing still painfully sensitive. Nick had it significantly worse. The bassist kneeled over in pain and fell on the bed, dropping the chicken in the process. In just a few minutes, Matt had just watched the both of them take each other out in the most stupidest way possible. A spectacular start to their morning.

After taking one more bite, Matt decides leave the two writhing on the bed for a moment. There was just one more business to attend to. Matt stares at the numbers '617' before gently knocking on the door, patiently waiting as he hears a panicked shuffling on the other side. A girl peeks out of the door, dirty blonde hair tousled and barely clothed in a bathrobe. Matt clears his throat.

"Terribly sorry for disturbing, but I believe you may have something that I've misplaced last night," Matt says.

"Excuse me?" The girl asks. Scottish, Matt observes. 

"Yes, he's about this tall and has a haircut like a messier Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber," Matt describes. The girl's eyes light up with recognition.

"Oh, Alex is with you?" She asks. "Why didn't you say so?"

She clutches her robe tighter as she leads Matt into the room. Upon seeing Matt, Alex's first instinct was to get up and adopt a defensive position. He definitely knew that he was in trouble, which Matt hoped was a fact that would make him co-operate. Matt wasn't even angry anymore because the whole situation passed and he didn't need the cards anymore. But he did need them last night so he wouldn't have had to share a bed with Nick, who reeked of alcohol and regret. Right, now Matt was back to being ticked off. Alex held a pillow in front of him as if it was a shield. Matt didn't know if it was overkill or an insufficient choice of defence.  

"I can explain," Alex says.

"Don't worry I won't kill you," Matt replies, trying to approach him. "I just need my keys."

"Promise?"

"Not in front of a witness at least," Matt promises. "Give me the room keys and I'll leave you and your lady friend here." 

Alex lowers the pillow. "They're in my trouser pocket."

"... and where are your trousers?" Matt asks.

"Hidden somewhere here most definitely," the girl says, biting her lip. "Maybe in between the tv rack and the wall."

"Why would it be there?" Matt notices the look they share and decide it would be better off not knowing. "I'll just go get it then."

Sure enough, Matt finds a pair of jeans lodged somewhere nearby the television. He takes what he's looking for and tosses the jeans to Alex.

"Go down to the lobby sometime around four. You're not getting out of this that easily," Matt tells him as he makes his way to the door. He stops and turns to the confused girl. "Take care of him and make sure he follows my instructions, alright?"

"Will do," the girl nods as she shuts the door behind him. Problem solved.

Convinced that there were no further issues to be brought up, Matt returns to Jamie's room slightly more reassured that they could leave without any major losses. It's not like this was the first time one of them had gone missing after unexpectedly hitting it off with a one night stand, but it was worrisome all the same. Alex also had a curious magnetism with trouble that was hard to contain from time to time. The good thing was that he had 3 pseudo-babysitters to take care of him. Matt comes back to Jamie finishing up the last pieces of the chicken while Nick was calmly seated with a warm cup of tea in hands, smiling and talking about nothing in particular. He was glad that they were resembling the responsible adults they should be. 

"I've got the keys Mal," Matt says as he takes out the cards. "So you can finally go and take a shower."

"Where did you find them?" Nick asks, reaching out for his key. "Did you find Alex?"

"Yeah, turns out he's a few doors down the hall," Matt answers. "He actually got lucky last night."

"What even happened last night?" Jamie says. "I get the gist but I still don't know any of the details."

"Well it's pretty self-explanatory. Nick got too comfortable on the bar too early and Alex wanted to dominate the dancefloor," Matt summarises. "And I, your very noble friend, decided to take care of Nick before he starts a bar fight or summat. But then I got drunk. Then Al left with some Scottish bird without returning our keys, which by the way, was his idea in the first place in case we got too wasted. Didn't work out. So naturally I had to go an-" He suddenly stops.

"Had to what?" Jamie asks, confused as to why Matt suddenly stopped.

"Fuck," Matt turns to Nick. "We forgot something."

"Did we?" Nick gives him a puzzled look.

"We didn't pay for our drinks last night," Matt says, rubbing his temples. 

At this point, Matt was convinced that they should stay away from drinking for a while.

_____________________________

Almost anti-climactically, all the punishments Matt had imagined they would get for drinking and dashing were unfounded. The four men stared quizzically at the receptionist as she explains that the bar tab had been mysteriously paid for, as if Christmas came early and was giving out free rounds in random bars. Matt could live with unexplained miracles, but unfortunately for him, the receptionist provides them with something more than an explanation.

"The guy who paid for your drinks also left a message," the receptionist says as she looks through her desk. "He said to give it to Nicholas."

Everyone turns to look at Nick. "Me?"

"Here," the receptionist hands him a card. "He says it's for his eyes only so-"

"Call me. Love... Pete?" Alex reads out loud behind Nick's shoulder. 

"Pete?" Matt groans. "I can't believe that creep."

"Wait what?" Jamie snatches the card from Nick's hands. "Who the fuck is Pete?"

Nick tries to play off his blush as he makes up an alibi. "I can't really remember."

"Why is he giving you his number?" Jamie continues pressing him. "Did Matt leave anything out when he was talking about last night?"

"Jamie I-"

"Should I have given that out?" The receptionist whispers to Matt. "Looks like they're about to split up."

"They're not a couple," Matt tells her. 

"Oops sorry," the receptionist apologises. "I didn't mean to offend and all, it's just... he's really mad about it isn't he?"

"He's always mad anyway," Alex adds. Matt resists the urge to nod in agreement. They eavesdrop on their conversation again. 

"Pete is... an acquaintance that I met in the club," Nick explains to Jamie. "He's uh, he's got a mariachi band and he was looking for a bass player. I told him that I could play so he told me if I ever come to Spain he could introduce me to the rest of the band. Um, didn't think he was serious about it."   

"Don't call him," Matt advises, still wary of the man. 

"Call him. He's probably loaded if he can just pay off a tab like that," Alex says. "It won't hurt if one of us gets a sugar daddy."

"Nick's not gonna whore himself out," Jamie protests. "He's our bassist."

"Side project then," Nick says, ignoring the way Jamie eyes him.

Checking out of the hotel was a bittersweet experience. On one hand, it meant they wouldn't have to deal with anymore nonsense that they had unwittingly started. But it also meant that they were heading back onto the road again, which was an exhausting thought. Out of the four, Alex seemed to be the most relaxed, probably since his night ended up fairly well. The worst that he had to suffer through was a winded lecture, otherwise he was alright. Nick still couldn't shake off his headache and Jamie looked even more tired than he did when he entered the hotel. All in all, a standard day for the four of them. Just before they depart, Jamie heads out to a convenience store to buy some essentials. Matt offers to join him so he could buy some snacks for the road. 

The familiar crease on Jamie's forehead was present as they walked, looking precariously deep in thought kicking rocks around. For someone who was trying really hard to get over his feelings, Jamie spent a ludicrous amount of time thinking about his problems. Matt desperately wanted to respect his privacy so he pours in a lot of effort to try and ignore his curiosity. 'Try' being the keyword. Matt clears his throat.

"You're thinking too hard about it," Matt says as he eventually caves into his intuition. "Your face will be stuck like that if you keep it up."

Jamie's expression doesn't change. "I'm not surprised you noticed, but I wish you didn't."

"Try not to look like a beacon of hopelessness then," Matt tells him. "It's not the end of the world you know. You might get some crazy wet dreams, sure, but that's hardly a reason to mope about."

"It's not even about that," Jamie sighs. "I was thinking about that Pete bloke, giving Nick his number and all. Fucking hell, I'm going crazy."

"Are you... jealous?" Instead of empathising with him, Matt only found Jamie's feelings amusing.

"Why the hell would I be jealous of another man? It's not like they were flirting or anything," Jamie grumbles. He had unknowingly stumbled upon the right track, but Matt couldn't let him know that. 

"To be fair he did seem like the leery sort you find hanging around shady pubs," Matt says, unable to hide his disdain. "You're right though, why should you be jealous? You spend nearly twenty four hours with Nick everyday. Millions of people out there and you're one of the few who's actually got a shot with this crush thing."

"I really thought you'd oppose this, not encourage it like Al," Jamie says. He sounded almost disappointed, as if he was hoping that Matt would tell him to give up. 

"We just want you to be happy," Matt says, half-teasing half-serious. "What do you want me to say anyway?"

Jamie waits until the cross the street to respond. "The truth. Tell me something that would knock me back to my senses so everything returns to the way it's supposed to be. Tell me what to do so I'll stop acting like this and I can get on with my life."

"I'm not your fairy godmother Jamie. I can't just poof away emotions like that," Matt tucks his hands in his pockets. "And I most certainly can't tell you want to feel, can I? I've tried and you just ignored it."

"Because you're supposed to be the rational one," Jamie says. "What you're saying doesn't make sense."

"What's so irrational about it?" Matt asks. "I still think it's cute."

"Stop it, I already get enough of that from Alex."

"Whatever. All I'm saying is that you're acting childish about this," Matt continued. "But if I know you, you'll make the right decision in the end. Whether or not you choose to man up and face the music or not, I know it'll be for the best. You can argue if you want, but you were always the mature one in my eyes."

Matt hopes that the silence was just Jamie letting his words sink in. "You just called me childish and mature at the same time."

"Well you are a bit of an enigma after all," Matt remarks. "If you still want me to tell you the truth I'm more than happy to oblige."

"Eh, save it. I think I've gotten enough advice from the lot of you," Jamie says as they enter the store. 

"Don't listen to what we say," Matt points to Jamie's chest. "Listen to your heart."

Jamie scoffs. "No thanks. What with all the wrong turns it's been leading me down, I have better chances sticking with your ideas."

"Oh, in that case then I have a lot of ideas," Matt says, grabbing a few crisp packets along the way. "There's one where you tell me everything about Nick that makes you swoon and I'll confirm how deep you are into this."

"I change my mind," Jamie mutters. "You need a hobby."

"I was just thinking that actually," Matt replies, switching topics. "You mentioned owning a bar last night and I'm beginning to seriously consider it."

"Is that even a proper hobby? Slinging beer?" Jamie finds a tube of toothpaste. "I suppose that does sounds like a pretty quaint retirement plan though."

"I'm still setting it up in my head, but I reckon you and Nick could hold the wedding reception there," Matt teases. Jamie hits him on the shoulder.

There were a few things Matt garnered from their conversation: 1) Jamie's romantic instincts are virtually non-existent (which makes it a mystery how Jamie ever got on dates), 2) Jamie was extremely hard-headed and difficult to speak to, and 3) Jamie was probably a lot more infatuated than he let on. It amused Matt to see how much he'd changed over something diminutive, which unfortunately had provided a huge obstacle. It's no secret that Jamie had been avoiding certain situations when it came to Nick, but that would be fruitless in the long run. Jamie needed to acknowledge his feelings if he ever wanted to snap out of it, and seems like that was the last thing he was ever going to do. The poor lad had trapped himself in an endless catch-22. As knowledgeable and experienced Matt was, he didn't know how to get his point across.

He hopes - as he watches Nick greet Jamie as they arrive back at the van - that whatever Jamie was feeling would eventually make itself clearer to him. The way Nick laughs at some snarky comment Jamie says gives Matt a glimmer of faith. There were a lot of things in store for them, and it would be a long time before it reaches anywhere worth reaching.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Including the travelling and getting my laptop smashed, probably the most annoying thing keeping me from writing this chapter was writer's block. This chapter still doesn't sit well with me, but ah well. 
> 
> Also it's a pretty big surprise that people would actually read this! Thank you all for reading whatever this is

**Author's Note:**

> There's an actual reason why this exists. My friend told me to write a fanfic about Jamie and Nick once and told me that I could not make it a 'meet cute'. It was a really weird thing to write, but it was fun so I'm continuing this. I have no idea if this will end in 20 chapters or in 3 chapters, but I have a general plot in here somewhere. I have to admit though, this is still pretty weird.


End file.
